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Array
(
[sid] => 47467
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => second chances.
[time] => 2004-05-14 08:37:46
[hometext] => this is a stlyle that i have never tried before, comments appreciated. thankyou to stitch and kendal for your help :D xxx
[bodytext] => She was as pale as a new-born day,
blood drained from her anorexic face,
Skin pulled taut over brittle bones,
creaking movement, her whole body moaned,
She had never had anybody to call her own,
nobody had ever given her love or a home,
The only friends She knew were her tears,
surrounded by no one, accompanied by her fears,
Shunned by a world of the tainted and cruel,
She cried for help, but had no-one at all,
Wept everyday for someone to care,
She never understood why nobody was there,
She told herself she was to blame,
then sacrificed herself to torment and shame,
She looked for ways to make it all end,
tried to find release again and again,
Failing herself She drowned in the grief,
hoping this would provide some relief,
Then feeling tortured by her own heart,
she reached in her chest to pull it apart,
When this didnt work She resorted to blades,
then with blood on her arms said goodbye to the day,
With full heart I saved her, gave her a home,
all She wanted was somewhere to call her own,
She sat, picking dried blood off her arm,
the last memoir of her own self harm,
"There is so much more underneath this skin,
do you understand this pain Im in?"
Her eyes, shadowed, grey, whisper to the night,
seaching for the last gleam of days light,
"The shadows are closing in" She cries,
"help me, teach me how to survive",
"I dont want to hurt, I dont want this pain,
please show me how to live again",
Her voice it broke with her emotional plea,
I told her that She would be safe with me,
She fell to the floor stunned with relief,
I held her up and took her with me,
A crystal star among the broken glass,
She was given a chance that everyone should have,
A chance at life, at hope, at love,
the chance that She's been dreaming of,
Life is worth living, no matter how bad,
thankyou for the life that She has...
[comments] => 17
[counter] => 253
[topic] => 65
[informant] => lostinmyself
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 35
[ratings] => 7
[editpoem] => 0
[associated] =>
[topicname] => toughstuff
)
second chances.
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 08:37:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
toughstuff
|
She was as pale as a new-born day,
blood drained from her anorexic face,
Skin pulled taut over brittle bones,
creaking movement, her whole body moaned,
She had never had anybody to call her own,
nobody had ever given her love or a home,
The only friends She knew were her tears,
surrounded by no one, accompanied by her fears,
Shunned by a world of the tainted and cruel,
She cried for help, but had no-one at all,
Wept everyday for someone to care,
She never understood why nobody was there,
She told herself she was to blame,
then sacrificed herself to torment and shame,
She looked for ways to make it all end,
tried to find release again and again,
Failing herself She drowned in the grief,
hoping this would provide some relief,
Then feeling tortured by her own heart,
she reached in her chest to pull it apart,
When this didnt work She resorted to blades,
then with blood on her arms said goodbye to the day,
With full heart I saved her, gave her a home,
all She wanted was somewhere to call her own,
She sat, picking dried blood off her arm,
the last memoir of her own self harm,
"There is so much more underneath this skin,
do you understand this pain Im in?"
Her eyes, shadowed, grey, whisper to the night,
seaching for the last gleam of days light,
"The shadows are closing in" She cries,
"help me, teach me how to survive",
"I dont want to hurt, I dont want this pain,
please show me how to live again",
Her voice it broke with her emotional plea,
I told her that She would be safe with me,
She fell to the floor stunned with relief,
I held her up and took her with me,
A crystal star among the broken glass,
She was given a chance that everyone should have,
A chance at life, at hope, at love,
the chance that She's been dreaming of,
Life is worth living, no matter how bad,
thankyou for the life that She has...
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2004-05-14 08:37:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 08:44:33 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
*jaw drops so much it reaches the floor*
*tries to talk but fails miserably*
OMG!!!
i dunno what to say...such a totally magnificent,
brilliant,
honest,
stunning,
excellent,
breathtaking,
outstanding,
SPECTACULAR piece of work!!!
it is soooooooooo good.
wowie!!!
you expressed so much and the flow is beautiful and--
words evade me at this time of---
errr.
---shocked silence...
13 year old girl who's mouth is still gaping open,
Katie |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 08:47:08 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Very nice. Your rhymes are good, and it flows along without much interruption. If i could change one thing about this, I'd select this line;
"She never understood why nobody was there,"
I would replace 'nobody', with 'no-one', as this, in my opinion, works better.
Apart from that little nuance of mine, this poem is very alluring to read, but highly touching to absorb. |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 09:08:25 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
If this is based on a true life story then you have convinced me once more that there are helping hands out there in this big old world. A most excellent poem written with heart, In my younger years I too needed this kind of help alas I did not find it until much later. Then I started to live. Thank you for this most briliant read.
bernard. |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by PRECIOUSBECKY on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 09:17:21 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
SO BEAUTIFUL GREAT STORY GREAT LOVE
GREAT SACRIFICE- |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by PRECIOUSBECKY on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 09:17:27 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
SO BEAUTIFUL GREAT STORY GREAT LOVE
GREAT SACRIFICE- |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 09:40:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
*smiles* Nice work.
Stitch |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 12:36:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Excellent piece of work, my dear, excellent and heart filling.
Rita |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by matts_sweetie_04 on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 01:21:33 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
OMG! That is one of the best poems I had read in a long time. It has such emotion. I think it is absolutely amazing! You did a wonderful job! Keep it up!
Emily |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by matts_sweetie_04 on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 01:21:41 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
OMG! That is one of the best poems I had read in a long time. It has such emotion. I think it is absolutely amazing! You did a wonderful job! Keep it up!
Emily |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 11:42:56 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
beautifully heartfelt well written moving poem, excellent:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 12:44:35 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| very good flow..wonderful story. beautifully done..spotless rhyming. venkat |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 10:21:04 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
A wonderful story of so many people of today.You hit the nail on the head! Many blessings to you for your caring kind ways,and for giving us all something to think about. This is well worded, and flowed beautifully.
Angel always...godspeed...joni |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 11:41:51 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Very beautiful! Touching and honest. Excellent job, Phil!
Andrew |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 07:20:22 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| very very very very good. its nice to know there are nice ppl out there, and that they can write poetry |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Saturday, 12th June 2004 @ 11:44:18 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
alot of deep meaning in this write. tells a great story. greatly written.
keep it up.
Arden |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Merry on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 07:31:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
very nicely done - the hopelessness and pain are well documented and expressed, and then at last to find hope, a very well written poem.
merry |
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Re: second chances.
(User Rating: 1 )
by AWaiTinG13FaTe on
Wednesday, 28th July 2004 @ 11:58:33 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Great poem....in some ways i can relate. It's better and easier to understand when you can relate. I love it a lot! |
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