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Array ( [sid] => 48415 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Two Sides to Me [time] => 2004-05-20 14:40:37 [hometext] => i wrote this when i was stressed out about my life and my friends. (this was when i was going out with brandon) (ya i'm single again) [bodytext] => I can't do this anymore,
it's eating me to the core.
I can't live these lives,
I can't live these multiple lifes.
The first, at home,
a needlework well sewn.
An innocent, mild mannered child,
one well raised with mild rebellion.
The next to Sarah, Jaxie, Kirsten, and other band people.
A rebelious teenager, going against society.
Still innocent and naive.
To Katie, my best friend,
I am a loud person, with few limits.
A very original person, creative at that.
A little depressed, but getting better at that.
To Brandon, my boyfriend,
a shy/loud person, kinda hard to explain.
an open person, with a lot to say.
To Ryan, my love of my heart,
an outgoing person, set on having sex with him.
a giving person, though I have been played.
So with these different lives I live,
its hard to keep them apart.
Sometimes they overlap, then they start to ask.
But I just tell it off as lack of sleep.
then sigh with relief.
But them my emotions run high,
mixing swerving, taking my heart in lies.

The cutting now stopped, wants to start again,
i start thinking of lies to tell to them.
"That dang cat", or "I hate my locker"
but then i think of ryan and remember forshore.
that the next time i cut, he would tell my 'rents.
so i learned to deal with this,
and cry again [comments] => 1 [counter] => 165 [topic] => 13 [informant] => saddarkgirlreingsthenight [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

The Two Sides to Me

Contributed by saddarkgirlreingsthenight on Thursday, 20th May 2004 @ 02:40:37 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

I can't do this anymore,
it's eating me to the core.
I can't live these lives,
I can't live these multiple lifes.
The first, at home,
a needlework well sewn.
An innocent, mild mannered child,
one well raised with mild rebellion.
The next to Sarah, Jaxie, Kirsten, and other band people.
A rebelious teenager, going against society.
Still innocent and naive.
To Katie, my best friend,
I am a loud person, with few limits.
A very original person, creative at that.
A little depressed, but getting better at that.
To Brandon, my boyfriend,
a shy/loud person, kinda hard to explain.
an open person, with a lot to say.
To Ryan, my love of my heart,
an outgoing person, set on having sex with him.
a giving person, though I have been played.
So with these different lives I live,
its hard to keep them apart.
Sometimes they overlap, then they start to ask.
But I just tell it off as lack of sleep.
then sigh with relief.
But them my emotions run high,
mixing swerving, taking my heart in lies.

The cutting now stopped, wants to start again,
i start thinking of lies to tell to them.
"That dang cat", or "I hate my locker"
but then i think of ryan and remember forshore.
that the next time i cut, he would tell my 'rents.
so i learned to deal with this,
and cry again

Copyright © saddarkgirlreingsthenight ... [ 2004-05-20 14:40:37]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Two Sides to Me (User Rating: 1 )
by alecfernadez on Thursday, 20th May 2004 @ 03:01:52 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

this is REALLY sad, to be a teenager. Ok I loved the poem, it was really brilliant and filled with lots of emotion and power and simply I was lost for words by the strength of this poem, the anger, the pain etc.
Anyway I want to give you advice about the cutting. Cutting is generally a coping mechanism, it helps you cope with factors in your life which are unpleasent or which are causing you stress. Some people do it to see if there real or things are real. I personally do it (5 years) because I'm seriously not quite right in the head. Now, you shouldnt take away something that helps you cope just because your scared of the consequences or more consequences of people finding out. If you want to quit SI, you need to find something else to completly 100% replace it, or else feelings will become so overwhelming that you will do something bad. I almost killed myself cos I tried stopping all together. Even though its scary at first, you need to talk with your parents, talk with councelors, because believe it or not, parents usually want to help, unless you have my parents who try and lock you away in a white room because they hate you. Everyone thinks there parents hate them and usually parents dont hate their children. So you need to tell someone, to talk about it, or just keep doing it. if your gonna hide when you cut do it on the upper arm or thigh. But please find something to replace ur coping skill, or else things could go very wrong, and this is from experience!

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