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Array
(
[sid] => 49109
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Ode to Sibling
[time] => 2004-05-25 20:00:39
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => With blond hair, blue eyes, and a cleft in our chin People say we look alike coming up to us all of the time Going “hey are you two twins?” or even worse thinking she’s Older well she’s not I’m the older one Me I’m two years, two months, and two days older how symmetrical Polar opposites on the same spectrum of life I have often said that combined we would be the perfect person There are many difference too many to really name Sometimes she just seems so invincible like nothing can stop her And I feel weak in comparison really vulnerable She is cruel she really is sometimes people don’t realize how much Sometimes I think she doesn’t know how to cry Laughing, telling me she’s not laughing with me she’s laughing at me Saying she doesn’t care about me at all Then why do I care? Maybe I’m some kind of masochist But then I remember why I care Sometimes I feel so lost like everywhere I go I’m some how left behind But when I’m with her I don’t feel so lost it’s like she’s protecting me from harm I have this picture of when we are little holding hands I am behind her and She’s looking back at me as if to see that I’m still there As if saying I will always be there to protect you. Another memory: we are on our annual summer camping trop with our favorite cousins We are exploring in the creek I’m scared that I’ll slip and fall but she holds my hand As if saying that she’ll be there for me when I fall and I’m not scared so much anymore. Her death in my dreams is the only thing that makes me cry whilst I sleep I wake up with tear-stained cheeks and puffy red eyes In real life she cries dad’s being drunk and insensitive again I’m the only one that can comfort her stroking her back bringing her water, shh my darling little one don’t cry don’t let him have any power over you Don’t be sad and you’ll live forever Dad’s out of town, mom has disappeared, we can’t find her searching frantically everywhere, she’s crying but I have to remain calm remembering my training in Teaching Careers, the adult has to stay calm in a scary situation so as not to frighten the child even more, I may look calm on the outside but I’m terrified on the inside my imagination is wildly spinning stories imagining that we will find her mangled body in the back yard attached to a rope hanging to a tree, but in reality she is across the street talking to the neighbors I yell at her irresponsibility, for scaring the baby and making her cry Reminding me that although she may seem to be the strongest thing alive she still has feelings, she still is a child and maybe she does need me after all Together we are perfection A codependent relationship After all I’m a firm believer on the phrase actions speak louder than words [comments] => 1 [counter] => 162 [topic] => 23 [informant] => Sylvias [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => FamilyPoems )
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