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Array
(
[sid] => 49636
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => reason to stay
[time] => 2004-05-29 18:17:31
[hometext] => me talking in third person....i tried the other way....couldn't get it to work the way i wanted and it hurt far too much...
[bodytext] => you can't understand this life you're dead inside and don't know why you only want the pain to stop you need a reason to live you hurt yourself to ease the suffering theres no other way you can see you finally make up your mind you make the coice to die nothing else could suffice and everyone will be better with you, the burdon, gone you can't live happy you can't find joy there's nothing else to do give away the things you own say bye to so called "friends" write a note for all to see not much longer till sweet release only a shot away you point the gun perfect aim couldn't miss if you were blind you raise your head and cock the gun freedoms a step away you let your eyes wonder look around for one last time passing over the picture of him your eyes stop and focus on the image and now you remember there it is! the reason to stay wasn't that far away It's the grinning face of the one who loves you so possibly the only one who would notice you weren't around The little boy with soft blonde hair and shinning bright blue eyes what kind of message is this, to leave your little brother, the one who copies words you say moves you make and food you like? you lie the gun down begin to cry you wonder how... how you could ever think of leaving him behind he runs to you with open arms and yells your name in glee you squize him tight and close your eyes you found your joy and your reason to go on he was there all along how could you be so selfish? thank some higher power that you opend up your eyes can you imagine the pain he'd have, when told that you were gone? the last thing on earth that you would ever want is to hurt that inocent child. p.s. i believe all the medicine to all the pain and suffering in everything we do can be found in childrens eyes. and if the world was ever coming to an end i think the power to save it could be found within a child. this is dedicated to my four year old little brother...the most important little man in my life....more important then anyone else. i plan to let him read this one day..when he's old enough to understand...so that way he can see that he's had the biggest impact on my life. (and maybe it'll help with sucking up..when he's all older and only interested in girls and such and is going through the phase where he "hates" me...because i'm older and stuff...just kidding guys.......lol) [comments] => 3 [counter] => 209 [topic] => 36 [informant] => purplestary [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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