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Array
(
[sid] => 52727
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => A week last night.
[time] => 2004-06-19 13:17:29
[hometext] => It’s a little long. It’s about what happened to other week when I went up of the roof. i m not proud, but i was on there for4 ½ hours,
[bodytext] => A week last night, I tried to end this life. Of twisted times. Escape my broken mind. It was only week, a week last night. I want break out of the poisoned shell, Get out of this hell! This rotting nutshell. This last week has gone kind of alright. I’m feeling better but I can’t escape my mind. I won’t lie! Those suicidal thoughts never died. And I’ve self-harmed too, my scars will never fade in time… I’m trying to quit, but this is just it! I can’t… A week last night, I ran away again. I didn’t know where to go, And I didn’t want to go home! And I didn’t want to live, And I didn’t want to die. Didn’t want to go to school, Didn’t want to live my life… I was on the roof for an hour, Before any one came, I sat and cried my head up in flames. I didn’t want to be found! And I was scared of jumping, Onto the concrete ground! I sat on the roof, Perfectly still. So afraid, they’d say, That I’m mentally ill. My friend from my ward, Came by with a nurse. They told me to come back, or things would get worse. I wouldn’t. My head had just burst!! So they went away. Leaving me in pain. I had wanted to go, but I didn’t want to stay. Then this man came walking passed. He stopped and stared, finally at last. Then he asked, If I was ok, and why I was up there. I looked at him, said that I didn’t care! He said to come down, or he’d get some one. I ignored him, so he buggered on. Then this woman stood on the ground in front, Told me to get down, she was acting so blunt! Told me to give up my stunt! “This ain’t a joke!” I said at once. She spent the next few minutes, Telling to get down, Then it the end, Security came round! They were talking on their radios, And surrounding the building. I got up from my spot, My heart pounding! But I wasn’t about to give up! I weren’t ***** acting!! I walked to a smaller part of the roof, Where its one story hie. I looked down on them, Tears in my eyes. They said if I jumped, Then they would catch me. I said stuff you, you *****, You can’t even save me! I went and sat at the highest point. They were saying to come down, Or else the police would be coming round. Time went fast, And piggy KAREN came round. “Rosie don’t do it!” “Don’t jump to the ground!” It’s funny how she cares, when I do some thing like this. But other wise, she simply couldn’t care less! I really HATE! Her. She’s a stupid *****! Then she started saying, that they had another shout. That she’d give me, 10 minutes to come down. I told her to go nuts! And leave right away. I said that I wanted to die! That I didn’t want to stay!! I didn’t need them there, telling me to come down. I didn’t need their cares, or their upset looks and frowns. And of coarse they didn’t all go, some went, some stayed. I didn’t care! I was already feeling betrayed. I went to the highest point, went and sat on the edge, I let my feet dangle, looking at the below, thorned hedge. Sat with my hands either side of me, let my thoughts drift. Whispered “good bye, world”, and thought, “well this it!” Then closed my eyes, almost really to let go, Then heard some voices below me,” Rosie, please, no!” I opened my eyes; there was about 5 coppers below, 4 standing back, but one came up quite close. He sent his men round the other side, making it just me and him. His name was martin, and he talked me out of it… They took me back to the ward, to say my last good byes, Sara was upset, and we both cried. She said that out of her window, she saw my feet and legs hanging. She could see me sitting there! An image inside her of me jumping. I didn’t know she cared that much, I didn’t think anyone did. Though now I know, honestly, I wish I’d done it! Then I went home, martin and another copper took me back. On one knew, but my mum and dad. And they weren’t mad. And now I’ve been here a week. And already I have blood stained sheets, From the scratching and the cutting, But still I’m fighting, And I’ve already given up biting… [comments] => 5 [counter] => 188 [topic] => 36 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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