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Contribution to Life
Contributed by
coaster
on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 07:14:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
There's a war in my head and I can't seem to win
The pressure builds up so I induce the sin
From a distance it seems hard but in my heart I know its close to me
Beyond dying eyes, it's only our future we need to see
Inside my conscience I can see the outside of what's real
Outbreak all barriers that I would once conceal
I believe that more people are feeling the need to kill
Just because to heal one another takes more skill
No matter which way I go I will always lead my voice
The decision on new life should be all but a choice
It's up to you to decide on how much a life is worth
Guilt shouldn't be the price to pay because you wouldn't give birth
I don't see why time's cut short when its life that needs to expand
But if it came down to it I know I'll take it like a man
We've all gotta learn to take complete control of our thoughts
Because no one can erase what's been taught
There just seems to be too many emotions led to be bled
It seems like every flower grown means one to be dead
Copyright ©
coaster
... [
2004-07-31 19:14:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Contribution to Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by MJC on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 09:02:46 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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it's cool you brought all these thoughts and the things you enjoy into a poem. however towards the end i found the last line, i understand the idea of the line, however the wording is a bit confusing "means one to be dead." is where i found that, it just sounds off.
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Re: Contribution to Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 09:56:30 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| ::stunned:: brilliant and amazing write. the way i read it was in a rap tone, and that worked well for this even if it wasnt meant to. your verses of rhyme dont seem forced and yet they say so much, and actually make sense unlike a lot of poems that are randomly put together just to rhyme. |
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