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Array
(
[sid] => 58349
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => drink to drown
[time] => 2004-08-01 00:14:05
[hometext] => this is kinda randome, it doesnt follow the same format throughout the poem it really sucks.
[bodytext] => blind my eyes with fire but cardboard burns too quick
the empty satisfaction which is making me sick
rise to fall
live to die
hug to hide
drink to drown
smile to frown
although all thats in my mind is the smile and hug
not thinking that this cycle is in itself a drug
escape the moment and the past
there is no future this will always last
last for the night until i'm faced with realization
realizing truths in the back of my head
about thoughts i thought were dead
this river hits rocks on its way to its goal
but those rocks are grounded and don't require a toll
[comments] => 5
[counter] => 191
[topic] => 43
[informant] => rightwingbrknwing
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 0
[associated] =>
[topicname] => oops
)
drink to drown
Contributed by
rightwingbrknwing
on
Sunday, 1st August 2004 @ 12:14:05 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
blind my eyes with fire but cardboard burns too quick
the empty satisfaction which is making me sick
rise to fall
live to die
hug to hide
drink to drown
smile to frown
although all thats in my mind is the smile and hug
not thinking that this cycle is in itself a drug
escape the moment and the past
there is no future this will always last
last for the night until i'm faced with realization
realizing truths in the back of my head
about thoughts i thought were dead
this river hits rocks on its way to its goal
but those rocks are grounded and don't require a toll
Copyright ©
rightwingbrknwing
... [
2004-08-01 00:14:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: drink to drown
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSchroedmeister on
Sunday, 1st August 2004 @ 12:29:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This could be a great bridge to a song, used to mark an emotional transition
Either way, I enjoyed this read...best one all night |
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Re: drink to drown
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Sunday, 1st August 2004 @ 06:26:02 AM AEST
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Yes...what you say in your preamble is true. It
is undisciplined.
Permit me to introduce you to the apostrophe {'} and
to the comma{,}; you must have been absent the days
when these were covered in english class.*g*
They are an absolute must for an aspiring wordsmith.
Their use helps the reader to better understand the
thoughts you're trying to convey.
For example: It's, that's not ,thats.and "not thinking that this
cycle is in itself a drug" becomes underestandable when
properly punctuated:
"not thinking that this cycle is, in itself, a drug"
When you fail to put the guidelines in for how you intend
the poem to be read, you force the reader to parse the poem
on his own.
It's already oblique; no need to make it incomprehensible.
It could almost qualify as a rap. It has the similar quality of
ryhme with no reason.
I'm sorry if this post came off sort of negative, and I know that
I'm sounding like a pedantic ***euphemism coming***anus of
the offspring between a horse and a donkey, but these are really
part of the basic tools of jouneymen poets such as we.
Stoney
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Re: drink to drown
(User Rating: 1 )
by rightwingbrknwing on
Sunday, 1st August 2004 @ 11:20:18 AM AEST
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| yes stony you are right it does seem to come across as a rap for which i am somewhat ashamed, however like i have previously told you i do belive that the content of the poem is much more important than the grammer, i write to convey emotion not to convey correct grammer and spelling. I actually dont think belive it or not that it takes anything away from the poem, i think that it is quite pathetic that you think such trivial matters like punctuation make much of a difference. I write for myself stoney not for you and personally i couldn't give a damn if every form of gramer, punctuation, and spelling was incorrect as long as it was readable. You have lost sight of what is important in writing. and if you do not enjoy my poetry i suggest that you stop reading it rather than leaving comments on every poem i post, e-mail me if you have serious concerns about my writing, thank you |
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Re: drink to drown
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Sunday, 1st August 2004 @ 02:00:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I wasn't aware that I had commented on any of your other poetry,
but I'll take your word for it.
i have previously told you i do belive that the content of the poem
is much more important than the grammer, i write to convey emotion
not to convey correct grammer and spelling. I actually dont think
belive it or not that it takes anything away from the poem, i think
that it is quite pathetic that you think such trivial matters like
punctuation make much of a difference
I don't see how you can separate the one from the other.Grammar,
spelling, and syntax enable the content to be more fully understood
by the reader. Without them, you leave your reader sitting in a boat
in the middle of the lake without any paddles.
I write for myself stoney not for you...
If this were true, then you would keep your writing locked in a vault
under your bed rather that post it on the internet. I'm afraid that old
saw just doesn't cut it anymore.
and personally i couldn't give a damn if every form of gramer, punctuation,
and spelling was incorrect as long as it was readable. You have lost sight
of what is important in writing.
And you have not yet discovered what is important in writing.
We write to communicate our thoughts and emotions to others, and to
do this effectively, we adhere to the accepted rules and common practices
that have evolved over the centuries.
Just as we follow the Rules of the Road when we drive our car across the city.
We wouldn't be able to drive very far if everyone made up his own set of rules
as he went now, would we?
Yet that is the attitude you seem to be taking.
I'm sorry that you would prefer to bury your head in the sand rather than take
some positive remedial action to fix the problem.
I wasn't singling you out.*g*
I seldom take note of a writer's handle; although I've noted your handle now
and won't make any future comments.
Stoney |
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Re: drink to drown
(User Rating: 1 )
by rightwingbrknwing on
Sunday, 1st August 2004 @ 09:02:51 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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"I wasn't aware that I had commented on any of your other poetry, but I'll take your word for it. "
yes you are right you only commented on two others
"I don't see how you can separate the one from the other.Grammar, spelling, and syntax enable the content to be more fully understood by the reader. Without them, you leave your reader sitting in a boat in the middle of the lake without any paddles."
that is competely ridiulous most people dont even notice, how can someone be effected by what they dont know? Even if they do then if it is so insignificant that someone wouldn't notice than what makes it so much more important if someone does
"If this were true, then you would keep your writing locked in a vault under your bed rather that post it on the internet. I'm afraid that old
saw just doesn't cut it anymore."
i used to be like that actually i used to keep them in my computer and never show my poems to anyone until my computer broke so i started posting them because of a reference to this sight from a friend.
"And you have not yet discovered what is important in writing" (in responce to) and personally i couldn't give a damn if every formof gramer, punctuation, and spelling was incorrect as long as it was readable. You have lost sightof what is important in writing"
i dont see how content is less important then spelling
you said that we all have to adhear to certain rules although i belive that writing is an escape from rules if you accidently break the rules of spelling and grammer in the process. I am not making my own rules, i'm not saying that a "r" is a "l" i just accidently forgot to used a apostrophe.
this is an interesting topic actually which i'd love to discuss with you further so if you get this i'd wish you to e-mail me at grungeisdead630@yahoo.com
please help me to understand your point of view further i find it rather interesting
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