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(
[sid] => 59471
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Monster in my nightmare...
[time] => 2004-08-09 12:56:15
[hometext] => This is dedicated to my father, whom I hate with every fiber of my being, for what he did to me and my family...
[bodytext] => Heart shattered, life destroyed by just one touch of your hand…
Pain and suffering locked up inside, covered up with fake smiles…
Darkness consumes me, devours me whole, and I welcome it with open arms…
I never knew it’d turn out like this, with me hating you…
My stomach churns by the very thought of you,
Monster of my nightmares, Devil consuming my soul, Dagger piercing my heart…
Memories of the past flood my eyes and trickle down my cheeks,
These tainted tears fall, untended to, disregarded, and laughed at…
And you live life, as though you have forgotten the things you have done,
The things you have said…
I will never be good enough in your eyes,
You say you love me, and yet you trample on my already-shattered heart again…
You say my opinion counts, and yet, you declare different to someone else…
You say I’m first before all, and yet, I feel like I get your attention last,
Because of other important things to do, or lack of time…
But I slap on my smile and bright eyes to reassure that it’s okay…
Inside, it’s a whirlwind of emotions, waiting to be released…
Anger, sorrow, pain, ugliness…
A scream into the wind,
To release the anger in my heart,
That I’ve been holding in,
That’s been tearing me apart…
I hate you,
The nameless,
The faceless,
The mastermind…
Look at what you’ve designed,
You’ve built a kingdom off of those who fell the farthest,
To help them all fall into your hole,
Rotting the truth,
Building and building with all that you stole,
The death of innocence is what you sell…
But there is a price you’ll pay in Hell…
I hate you, with everything inside,
And I hate you more with every time you’ve lied,
So many have bought into what you’ve said,
So many addicted to the drug that you have fed,
The road you have paved with their pain and tears…
Broken down, nothing left,
Just a wandering ghost, my soul has left…
Head spinning, heart beating,
Nothing left but a parasite eating…
I embrace the Darkness; I kiss the dry, lifeless leaves,
Colorless, burnt out, nothing but dead heeds…
Tears fall, black as night,
Oh, all I want is to take flight!
Far away from this miserable, heedless world that people call Life…
Why must you cause us so much strife?
Time has stopped; my slowly dying heart is the only thing that’s still ticking…
The Demon within has captured me forever and there will be rejoice…
If there is a God, why hasn’t He answered me?
If miracles are true, why hasn’t there been one to set me free?
The pain and suffering that I’ve been through and am still going through, you never thought once on how I felt…
You never thought I prayed and prayed, and knelt,
Before His very eyes?
All the loneliness and fright I felt,
No one ever came to put light into my life…
Old wounds reopen by memories of you,
Tainted blood spills across your feet, and you laugh,
My tears do not quench your thirst for pain and misery,
And as I take in my last breath, you stroke my cheek and say, "I do this for the best for you… I love you."
I finally open my coarse mouth and shriek out to the world my hate, and your deepest, darkest secret…
You do not deserve anything that you have right now…
I hope it haunts you at night,
Drives you mad,
Makes you wish you were never born…
My heart finally ceases to beat; I am gone forever in a land of peace…
At long last, tranquility washes over my head instead of a torrent of pain…
I lay at your feet, motionless, glassy-eyed, with a smile on my face,
Knowing that, now that I’m gone, your life is not worth living for…
You can finally see how it is to lose something so dear to you,
You can finally feel Pain’s deadly poison course through your veins,
How do you feel now, Daddy?
It tears at you, doesn’t it?
It pulls you under its ruthless waves, drowns you, suffocates you with all the hate and pain that filled in me…
I hope you can finally see how I feel, what I think…
I love you only because you are my father, but hate over powers because of what you did…
It will ALWAYS be the present,
It’s something you can’t forget, or forgive…
I expect that this will give you a sense of knowing, a sense of feeling…
I hope everyday of your life you will remember this poem and think of what you did to me, and to my family…
[comments] => 10
[counter] => 225
[topic] => 55
[informant] => FleurdeSang
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 10
[ratings] => 2
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => dedicatedpoems
)
Monster in my nightmare...
Contributed by
FleurdeSang
on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 12:56:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
Heart shattered, life destroyed by just one touch of your hand…
Pain and suffering locked up inside, covered up with fake smiles…
Darkness consumes me, devours me whole, and I welcome it with open arms…
I never knew it’d turn out like this, with me hating you…
My stomach churns by the very thought of you,
Monster of my nightmares, Devil consuming my soul, Dagger piercing my heart…
Memories of the past flood my eyes and trickle down my cheeks,
These tainted tears fall, untended to, disregarded, and laughed at…
And you live life, as though you have forgotten the things you have done,
The things you have said…
I will never be good enough in your eyes,
You say you love me, and yet you trample on my already-shattered heart again…
You say my opinion counts, and yet, you declare different to someone else…
You say I’m first before all, and yet, I feel like I get your attention last,
Because of other important things to do, or lack of time…
But I slap on my smile and bright eyes to reassure that it’s okay…
Inside, it’s a whirlwind of emotions, waiting to be released…
Anger, sorrow, pain, ugliness…
A scream into the wind,
To release the anger in my heart,
That I’ve been holding in,
That’s been tearing me apart…
I hate you,
The nameless,
The faceless,
The mastermind…
Look at what you’ve designed,
You’ve built a kingdom off of those who fell the farthest,
To help them all fall into your hole,
Rotting the truth,
Building and building with all that you stole,
The death of innocence is what you sell…
But there is a price you’ll pay in Hell…
I hate you, with everything inside,
And I hate you more with every time you’ve lied,
So many have bought into what you’ve said,
So many addicted to the drug that you have fed,
The road you have paved with their pain and tears…
Broken down, nothing left,
Just a wandering ghost, my soul has left…
Head spinning, heart beating,
Nothing left but a parasite eating…
I embrace the Darkness; I kiss the dry, lifeless leaves,
Colorless, burnt out, nothing but dead heeds…
Tears fall, black as night,
Oh, all I want is to take flight!
Far away from this miserable, heedless world that people call Life…
Why must you cause us so much strife?
Time has stopped; my slowly dying heart is the only thing that’s still ticking…
The Demon within has captured me forever and there will be rejoice…
If there is a God, why hasn’t He answered me?
If miracles are true, why hasn’t there been one to set me free?
The pain and suffering that I’ve been through and am still going through, you never thought once on how I felt…
You never thought I prayed and prayed, and knelt,
Before His very eyes?
All the loneliness and fright I felt,
No one ever came to put light into my life…
Old wounds reopen by memories of you,
Tainted blood spills across your feet, and you laugh,
My tears do not quench your thirst for pain and misery,
And as I take in my last breath, you stroke my cheek and say, "I do this for the best for you… I love you."
I finally open my coarse mouth and shriek out to the world my hate, and your deepest, darkest secret…
You do not deserve anything that you have right now…
I hope it haunts you at night,
Drives you mad,
Makes you wish you were never born…
My heart finally ceases to beat; I am gone forever in a land of peace…
At long last, tranquility washes over my head instead of a torrent of pain…
I lay at your feet, motionless, glassy-eyed, with a smile on my face,
Knowing that, now that I’m gone, your life is not worth living for…
You can finally see how it is to lose something so dear to you,
You can finally feel Pain’s deadly poison course through your veins,
How do you feel now, Daddy?
It tears at you, doesn’t it?
It pulls you under its ruthless waves, drowns you, suffocates you with all the hate and pain that filled in me…
I hope you can finally see how I feel, what I think…
I love you only because you are my father, but hate over powers because of what you did…
It will ALWAYS be the present,
It’s something you can’t forget, or forgive…
I expect that this will give you a sense of knowing, a sense of feeling…
I hope everyday of your life you will remember this poem and think of what you did to me, and to my family…
Copyright ©
FleurdeSang
... [
2004-08-09 12:56:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 01:15:30 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow, this is intense. I hope that you can move on from this and have a good life despite the pain you have experienced. My heart goes out to you.
Be True,
zenmind |
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by PoeticMystery on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 01:33:47 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Yes, I agree, this is absolutely intense. I also hope though the feelings of pain or hatred may never go away that you are able to move on in your own life so you are able to be happy!! |
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by AspenGlow on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 01:37:14 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Some nightmares seem to go on and on, but to all there is a bright dawn. Memories are made on better days.
Peace to a troubled heart, thank you for sharing. |
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Seikjo on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 01:41:57 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Wow. Wow. That is amazing truly amazing. |
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alina on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 02:07:41 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Sad, Powerful, and Intense !!! I know what it is like for I feel this way about my mother. I used to blame GOD for everthing..... and I would think that " if he loved me he'd answer me and never give me such a horible life." Everything seemed so unfair.........but after years of wondering and hitting rockbottom.....I realized that this all happened so I could be a stronger person in the end. The memories will always hurt, and you can't change anyone.... but you can take your knowledge and pass it on to others. You will know what not to do when you have a family of your own. You will be so much stronger and wiser than others........ and you can use your experiences and knowledge to help other people make it. Everything happens for a reason, even the bad... and in the end... your pain will dispear when you walk in heaven. Keep your head up.. and i'm here if you need someone.
With The Most Respect and Care,
ALINA |
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by FleurdeSang on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 02:16:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I wanted to thank all of you for taking the time in reading my poem... I know it is very long, but I had alot to say, lolz... I am past all of that now, and living a semi-happy life, without him, thank God... Alina, I believe we are on the same page here when it comes to our fathers... I also blamed the Lord for my sufferings and pain... But I, too soon realized that it would make me a better person, and that He does love me and answers me... I have finally accepted Him into my life, and that has made all the difference... Thank you all for understanding and commenting beautifully! All my love and respects...
Love,
Fleur |
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by KynaIsisPoetess on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 02:20:50 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| WOW!!! what an intense piece! I can't imagine what you must have gone thru but...wow, is all i can say! i'm sorry your father couldn't prove to be a stronger father figure in your life! it's hard when that happens! |
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by gery_giggles on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 08:39:27 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow...i can relate to this very well.its good to hear that you are moving on ....this poem had alot of emotion...great write.....brought back memories
luv always |
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sagacious on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 09:14:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
I knew there was much more in you, yet to be revealed; previously, I could only guess at the depths of this pain which haunts you. And even now, you are mysterious--the surface of the wound now lain bare, the act itself remains between you and your father. And why not? It's yours, to free or to keep locked away, to reveal or conceal, a weapon to unsheath when necessary.
A parable I have read of late suggests the most lethal sword is that which remains largely unused. Is this because force is most effective when applied sparingly? Yes, but there is another meaning: by its disuse, the blade remains sharp, ready to be wielded at the time of your choosing. I'm not going to tell you to let go of your pain; it's part of who you are, and instinct will instruct you as to its proper disposition.
The intensity of your feelings may diminish in time, but you have tilled the fertile loam of your anguish, and have brought forth this excruciating, painful, beautiful work. You have already demonstrated yourself to be stronger than the one who hurt you--your revenge will be embodied in the person you become. Thank you for sharing this fascinating glimpse into your soul.
La paix soit à vous, mon ami. Sincerely, -Kris |
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Re: Monster in my nightmare...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Wednesday, 8th September 2004 @ 07:15:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I felt that, oh did I feel that. Anger, darkness, despair, defiance and strength. You are not only a remarkable writer Stephy, but a truly remarkable individual. May God grant you peace.
Nazmythian ~ |
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