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Array
(
[sid] => 60467
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => my written refusal
[time] => 2004-08-17 15:27:55
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => i'm trying so hard not to feel bad for what i've done trying to see that comparitively i haven't done anything but if i let it it'll feel like something to me and i'm trying to be shallow and i'm trying to forget that i'm poison it won't work for very long but it'll work for now i'm trying to forget what it feels like to be a good person i'm trying to forget what it feels like to walk alone i'm trying to forget living with my eyes open i'll float on top of the water and let it pass me by be what somewhere i know i can't and i'm trying so hard not to cry 'cause if i do i'll come back alive it's a day dream i never wanted something the real me hates... worse, loathes but i can't think of that now i have to keep my eyes closed i have to forget to be me i can't drown in sorrow anymore i can't be broken so now i'm paper mache` and now i'm smiling and now i'm glittery and fake and now i won't think of them because now i won't think of me [comments] => 4 [counter] => 170 [topic] => 61 [informant] => innerbeautyqueen [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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