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Array ( [sid] => 61502 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => GUILT Relief [time] => 2004-08-26 18:28:41 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Surrounding, invading, pervading
every niche inside.
It's eating me alive.
Recurring, returning, resurrecting this sin
that I am.
I don't know if I can.
Find an ending, find a healing,
keep searching for it,
keep finding that.
Aching, breaking, shaking,
can't contain
all this shame.
Pleading, falling, calling,
please forgive,
I can barely live.
Grace, mercy, peace, sweet release,
let me live beneath your wings,
enjoy the peace your mercy brings.

~Jekyll [comments] => 2 [counter] => 148 [topic] => 61 [informant] => waos [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )

GUILT Relief

Contributed by waos on Thursday, 26th August 2004 @ 06:28:41 PM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

Surrounding, invading, pervading
every niche inside.
It's eating me alive.
Recurring, returning, resurrecting this sin
that I am.
I don't know if I can.
Find an ending, find a healing,
keep searching for it,
keep finding that.
Aching, breaking, shaking,
can't contain
all this shame.
Pleading, falling, calling,
please forgive,
I can barely live.
Grace, mercy, peace, sweet release,
let me live beneath your wings,
enjoy the peace your mercy brings.

~Jekyll

Copyright © waos ... [ 2004-08-26 18:28:41]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: GUILT Relief (User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on Thursday, 26th August 2004 @ 07:16:37 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Oh! I like this! It has a great rhythm to it... I read it aloud (felt like I should) and it sounds great when spoken aloud. I stuttered a little bit on one part... the three lines beginning with "Find an ending...". The last of those three lines ("Keep finding that") kind of stops the cadence of the piece. I turned it over in my head a bit and this fell out, so I thought I'd throw it out at you as a gentle suggestion (though I have no idea if it's 'right'):

Find an ending, find a healing,
Search to know
So I might grow

Hope you don't mind the suggestion to terribly much... Just a thought that crossed my mind. I do like the piece very much... the suggestion is included only because it crossed my mind and I thought I'd share it.

Well done!
SNM

Re: GUILT Relief (User Rating: 1 )
by rookiepoet on Friday, 27th August 2004 @ 10:56:35 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I too love the rythm of this piece. The repetition of linking three verbs in a row creates a nice pattern and lends a sense of urgency to the poem. No frills, very straight forward and simple, very nice!

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