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Array
(
[sid] => 63407
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Harsh reality
[time] => 2004-09-11 21:21:00
[hometext] => life isnt the happier adventure...this i know
[bodytext] => "its dec.14 well 15 because its 3am...and once again i couldnt satisfy my yaz."<~~thats me...ok back... "i bought her what she wanted and she opened what her uncle gave her first... she grew in me...i had her...the moment she was born she stopped depending on me...her lil heart beat didnt need me no more. it saddens me how she doesnt understand me... unfortuatly shes my daughter...why couldnt she be like my youngest daughter.... why did life do me like this...?" and what i think of this???? am i supposed to cry? or laugh....or put my head in my knees and cry n laugh at the same time because i cant believe it? i mean yes, i knew she hated me but to regret having me? thoughts were thoughts but to read it? thats another thing. i mean ***** i was almost ***** by her ex bf...then some other *****... ive been through ***** she doesnt even think about...and i cant talk to her about it....i mean what the *****? seriously....i didnt ask her to have me.... and i hate to say it but why if i ***** her life up sooo bad.....why didnt she give me away it would of stopped all of this... all her agony all her tears all her yelling and all her pain.... if i would of lived with someone else.... she wouldnt of had to deal with me... nor being there when i started to walk nor to lock me out.. i mean so many *****en clues... and all the time id say to myself "its okay yazmin shes just having a bad day..." but no, she actually hates me ...all those words are actual feelings...i dont blame her i mean im not even satisfied with who i am im nothing...:( (thnx mom) thankx for putting me down thankz for telling my i ***** up your life...and for turning out the light in my heart for shattering my dreams....thanx for throwing me in my grave.... [comments] => 1 [counter] => 175 [topic] => 61 [informant] => oneteartofellpain [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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