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Array ( [sid] => 64186 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Vision Of Life [time] => 2004-09-18 08:18:09 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Fingers, feet and faces turning blue in the cold
Hypothermia grabs the leash that binds the old
The plaid blanket wrapped tight, a tourniquet
Trying to withstand the pain of their decay
Young homeless girl with baby beside her
Wrapped up warm in a discarded newspaper
Polystyrene cup sits on the floor by her feet
Saving up coins for something hot to eat
Young lad shakes on the bed, His last score
As his daughter cries lying on the dirty floor
Needles lay scattered like rusty grass blades
While mother drinks more till her vision fades
Everywhere we look is spoiled by the misery
In the whole galaxy; we the putrid abnormality
Take everything for granted, all so shallow
Who would give a damn if it all ended tomorrow
[comments] => 1 [counter] => 145 [topic] => 13 [informant] => adsalamon [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

The Vision Of Life

Contributed by adsalamon on Saturday, 18th September 2004 @ 08:18:09 AM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

Fingers, feet and faces turning blue in the cold
Hypothermia grabs the leash that binds the old
The plaid blanket wrapped tight, a tourniquet
Trying to withstand the pain of their decay
Young homeless girl with baby beside her
Wrapped up warm in a discarded newspaper
Polystyrene cup sits on the floor by her feet
Saving up coins for something hot to eat
Young lad shakes on the bed, His last score
As his daughter cries lying on the dirty floor
Needles lay scattered like rusty grass blades
While mother drinks more till her vision fades
Everywhere we look is spoiled by the misery
In the whole galaxy; we the putrid abnormality
Take everything for granted, all so shallow
Who would give a damn if it all ended tomorrow

Copyright © adsalamon ... [ 2004-09-18 08:18:09]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Vision Of Life (User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on Sunday, 19th September 2004 @ 09:22:58 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Powerful poem for so few words.
I wrote a poem like this once..
I love this.
It has a very strong message i believe.
There is only one other thing i would do it i had written it.
This line:

"As his daughter cries lying on the dirty floor"

I would change it so it says "lies crying on the dirty floor"

Still, a great write.
Keep it up.
Phil xxx

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