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Broken...
Contributed by
emocutie07
on
Sunday, 19th September 2004 @ 08:46:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Sometimes its so hard to breathe,
A slice through my chest will bring out the best in you
Leave as I fall to my knees and choke on the words you never said
Slowly I'll crumble into whats left of my broken heart.
Watching as you walk away,
Savoring the bitter-sweetness of the words you never said....
The words I only wish were spoken
Copyright ©
emocutie07
... [
2004-09-19 20:46:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Broken...
(User Rating: 1 )
by xxbreathlessx on
Sunday, 19th September 2004 @ 08:49:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| aww how sad! i loved it. great job. |
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Re: Broken...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 19th September 2004 @ 09:22:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
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i liked this. strong write.
"Sometimes its so hard to breathe,
A slice through my chest will bring out the best in you" thats interesting to ponder about.
"Savoring the bitter-sweetness of the words you never said....
The words I only wish were spoken"
i loved the ending. something many can relate to. i like that in a write. something people can actually relate to. a strong beginning finished well with an emotional and powerful ending. or the ending so far..?
i hope when you make revisions of this to make it finished that you will do a repost and notify me of it so i can see what youve done. =] |
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Re: Broken...
(User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on
Sunday, 19th September 2004 @ 09:47:54 PM AEST
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Everything u've wrote so far is awesome!! U r a great writer!!! Keep it up~
~Donna~ |
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Re: Broken...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Deleterious_Dislike on
Tuesday, 2nd November 2004 @ 08:14:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
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What really does it for me
about this poem
is the whole 'words you never said' aspect
and choking on them to
That really set it off
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