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Array
(
[sid] => 64412
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Look into the mirror
[time] => 2004-09-20 00:32:16
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => Sometimes I feel empty, all dark inside. It's so hard to cope with it, so I run and hide. I wish I can change the person in the mirror, staring back at me. When I look deep into my soul, it's someone different I see. Someone frustrated, scared, and deeply hurt. From all the pain i've been caused, from all the times I been treated like dirt. I feel like I deserve it sometimes, for all the stuff i've done. Im happy at least I've found love in someone . Why cant I be what everyone wants me to be. Why must I cowar behind my poetry. Everyone expects to much, what the hell am I supposed to do. Just shut up and take it, like I'm supposed to. Why can't I have a good life? Instead of having all the pain and strife. Somtimes I really feel like dying. I'm tired of being shamed and lying. Lying to everyone, including myself. It's as if my hearts been ripped out and set on a shelf. I don't want to have any emotions. Screw everyone and their riddiculous notions. Do they know what I've been through, do they know how I feel? The world and everything in it seem phony, and unreal. Do strangers know what I'm thinking, do they know why I cry? Do they know why I'm sad, Do they know why I lie? I used to think drugs was my problem solver. My life in many ways is much like a revolver. Once it happens you can't take it back. I've tried so hard to get my life on track. I really have a unique personality. I want to live in a fantasy, instead of reality. I say I will change but I know I won't. In some ways I want to, but in some ways I don't. It's hard to imagine myself a hundred years from now. In a certain perspective it will be better somehow. I'll finally be happy, because I'll be stone cold dead. No more evil thoughts, running through my head. [comments] => 0 [counter] => 154 [topic] => 43 [informant] => Cdubs_Gurl666 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
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