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Array
(
[sid] => 65885
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Clinically Insane
[time] => 2004-10-02 13:35:38
[hometext] => I have some serious issues! Please comment. Thx
[bodytext] => Why am I so ****** up
all inside my head?
I'm a complete mental case,
just like you have said.
The Krystle people think they know
is who I wish that I could be.
Happiness, love, and self-worth,
to the real me, is a mere fantasy.
I'm a human time bomb,
never knowing when I'll explode.
When emotions come bursting out of me,
it sends me down a winding road.
My intensifying Bipolar Disorder
has made living really tough.
I'm stuck on a roller-coaster of feelings,
and although I've tried, I can't get off.
One moment I am up,
the next instant I am down.
My mind is so fickle
on what makes me frown.
The Depression's sinking even lower,
to the bottom of an infinite hole.
I can't ******* stand it anymore!
It's long since taken up its toll.
Fighting the urge to cut myself
has become a daily task.
Just a couple minutes ago
was the time I did it last.
Dragging the blade across my skin,
God... I've never felt such a rush.
And when the flesh wound starts to bleed,
internal pain, it helps to hush.
Sometimes I put the razor
a little closer to my wrist.
I think to myself, "I'd be dead
if I was really *****."
Suicide itself is too
another daily chore.
I always fight to change my mind
once I lock my door.
The voices I hear in my head,
they make me go insane.
I only long to see the sun,
but all I get is rain.
Why is it that I'm so good
to people the entire day,
but when it comes around to me,
NOTHING goes my way?
My entire family hates me,
they tell me all the time.
It's like pouring salt into my wounds
and finishing with lime.
This is where the drugs come in,
you know just what they say.
Frequent visits with "Aunt Mary"
keeps the suffering away.
Glass is a whole other story.
There's no explanation for that.
I once lost my best friend, thanks to that ****!
What am I doing!?! I just got her back!
I really hope I can quit all this
drug and alcohol use.
Then I think, "What's the point?
I've got nothing to lose!"
But my mind still tells me, "One more time,
this will be your last hit for good."
Then I feel like I'm unstable
and that I wouldn't quit, even if I could.
From my years of drug use,
my brain's pretty much ******, in all.
With my mom's constant verbal abuse,
it's not getting any better, at all.
I'm taking all these different meds
to correct my "bizarre" ways.
But none of them are helping;
I still have only bad days.
When I get to thinking
about how all this came to be,
the root of all my problems
traces its way back to me. NO ONE ELSE!
[comments] => 7
[counter] => 251
[topic] => 13
[informant] => Hoots
[notes] => (Edited by Mod 8 - Please follow the site rules)
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 5
[ratings] => 1
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => DarkPoetry
)
Clinically Insane
Contributed by
Hoots
on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 01:35:38 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Why am I so ****** up
all inside my head?
I'm a complete mental case,
just like you have said.
The Krystle people think they know
is who I wish that I could be.
Happiness, love, and self-worth,
to the real me, is a mere fantasy.
I'm a human time bomb,
never knowing when I'll explode.
When emotions come bursting out of me,
it sends me down a winding road.
My intensifying Bipolar Disorder
has made living really tough.
I'm stuck on a roller-coaster of feelings,
and although I've tried, I can't get off.
One moment I am up,
the next instant I am down.
My mind is so fickle
on what makes me frown.
The Depression's sinking even lower,
to the bottom of an infinite hole.
I can't ******* stand it anymore!
It's long since taken up its toll.
Fighting the urge to cut myself
has become a daily task.
Just a couple minutes ago
was the time I did it last.
Dragging the blade across my skin,
God... I've never felt such a rush.
And when the flesh wound starts to bleed,
internal pain, it helps to hush.
Sometimes I put the razor
a little closer to my wrist.
I think to myself, "I'd be dead
if I was really *****."
Suicide itself is too
another daily chore.
I always fight to change my mind
once I lock my door.
The voices I hear in my head,
they make me go insane.
I only long to see the sun,
but all I get is rain.
Why is it that I'm so good
to people the entire day,
but when it comes around to me,
NOTHING goes my way?
My entire family hates me,
they tell me all the time.
It's like pouring salt into my wounds
and finishing with lime.
This is where the drugs come in,
you know just what they say.
Frequent visits with "Aunt Mary"
keeps the suffering away.
Glass is a whole other story.
There's no explanation for that.
I once lost my best friend, thanks to that ****!
What am I doing!?! I just got her back!
I really hope I can quit all this
drug and alcohol use.
Then I think, "What's the point?
I've got nothing to lose!"
But my mind still tells me, "One more time,
this will be your last hit for good."
Then I feel like I'm unstable
and that I wouldn't quit, even if I could.
From my years of drug use,
my brain's pretty much ******, in all.
With my mom's constant verbal abuse,
it's not getting any better, at all.
I'm taking all these different meds
to correct my "bizarre" ways.
But none of them are helping;
I still have only bad days.
When I get to thinking
about how all this came to be,
the root of all my problems
traces its way back to me. NO ONE ELSE!
Copyright ©
Hoots
... [
2004-10-02 13:35:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Clinically Insane
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 01:38:49 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| You never know how much the normal looking people passing by you in the hallways and highways are also unstable and have these nightmares too. This was a very emotional and self-aware write. May you find your way. |
|
|
Re: Clinically Insane
(User Rating: 1 )
by DerPinguin44 on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 01:41:11 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Umm, I know a really good doctor in Texas who will help you with that..... |
|
|
Re: Clinically Insane
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spell_Weaver on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 02:00:15 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
why can't the nightmare just go away?
all the addictions force me to stay...
i find myself only screaming more
but who am i really doing this for?
may you find your way, and know you're not the only one who feels this pain....
Alyssa |
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|
Re: Clinically Insane
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 02:03:58 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
a very angry, pained and emotional write, it will do you good to get all these feelings out in your poems, I also hope that you do one day find your way,
my best wishes to you,
pixie xx |
|
|
Re: Clinically Insane
(User Rating: 1 )
by a_bear on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 04:41:38 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| God I wish I knew an answer..'cause my son hears voices..he called the F.B.I and asked them if they had him under surveilance...It would be funny if it wasn't so awful...the agent asked him where he got his meth..lol..the thing is..he really thinks he's being followed...and I can't help him.... lots of people are hurting inside one way or another..keep writing, venting and release the pain inside..try and ignore verbal abuse..if you can. Hard I know..sometimes I do that too and I don't even know I'm doing it. Our tongue is the most dangerous weapon we have. Lots of love you way..(mary) a_bear :-*) |
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Re: Clinically Insane
(User Rating: 1 )
by blackholesun on
Sunday, 3rd October 2004 @ 09:39:56 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
im sorry 4 you,
i too feel this way alot,im bi polar or so they say,if you are willing to accept advice from others,that is the first step,but only people who feel like you do that have overcame this feeling can help you,
i can tell you that no one can fix you but yourself,and when you finally find the key to your eternal happiness ,you will feel the most self acomplishment you have ever felt in your life.my theory is ;there is no light without darkness,no sunshine without rain,no true joy without pain,so we should be happy for the trials we go through in life,for they teach us,how happy we can be,when we dont even notice we are content. |
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Re: Clinically Insane
(User Rating: 1 )
by axeman on
Tuesday, 16th January 2007 @ 10:50:48 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow... i hung to every word
awesome poem |
|
|
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