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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	09-June 22:37:52 AEST

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Array ( [sid] => 72019 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Breaking Down [time] => 2004-11-17 21:57:52 [hometext] => Okay so personally i think this poem sucks but its the 1st one im posting. I couldn't think of a title so i just wrote anything and i was feeling like crap. Leave comments if you want. Thanks [bodytext] => I hate my family
hate my life
are these feelings
i'm having right
breaking down
deep down inside
i'm too tired
of trying to hide

I'm in this black hole
trying to creep out
but no one's hand is there
to guide me out
blood is seeping
out of my veins
I have no one
there are no names

would cut myself
but it hurts too much
can't stand the feel
of just a touch
i wish i could go back
to when i felt love
before i knew
how cruel the world was

to come back to my home
cuts like a knife
i've come to realize
that this is life
the bad side of life
i've already seen it
it's a matter of survival
there's no way to beat it

no one lasts long
you'll never succeed it
just take your pain
and try to redeem it [comments] => 8 [counter] => 215 [topic] => 48 [informant] => dstar [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

Breaking Down

Contributed by dstar on Wednesday, 17th November 2004 @ 09:57:52 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

I hate my family
hate my life
are these feelings
i'm having right
breaking down
deep down inside
i'm too tired
of trying to hide

I'm in this black hole
trying to creep out
but no one's hand is there
to guide me out
blood is seeping
out of my veins
I have no one
there are no names

would cut myself
but it hurts too much
can't stand the feel
of just a touch
i wish i could go back
to when i felt love
before i knew
how cruel the world was

to come back to my home
cuts like a knife
i've come to realize
that this is life
the bad side of life
i've already seen it
it's a matter of survival
there's no way to beat it

no one lasts long
you'll never succeed it
just take your pain
and try to redeem it

Copyright © dstar ... [ 2004-11-17 21:57:52]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Breaking Down (User Rating: 1 )
by a_bear on Wednesday, 17th November 2004 @ 10:02:42 PM AEST
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I don't think it sucks. I see a couple of forced rhymes..but that's not a bad thing..it's allowed. It's a good write..why do you think it sucks? By the way..welcome to the site ..or glad to read your work..

Re: Breaking Down (User Rating: 1 )
by CrimsonTears on Wednesday, 17th November 2004 @ 10:14:47 PM AEST
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i dont think it sucks...but if u looked at it now and revised it a bit im sure u could make it better....but it is a really great poem and has meaning behind....great job

Lots of Love
CrimsonTears

Re: Breaking Down (User Rating: 1 )
by DirtyFool on Wednesday, 17th November 2004 @ 11:05:07 PM AEST
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THIS POEM DOES NOT SUCK! i think it's really good. i hope you feel better soon!!!

love,
Dirtyfool

Re: Breaking Down (User Rating: 1 )
by witch_derna on Thursday, 18th November 2004 @ 01:41:34 AM AEST
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I agree with the other post. This poem is really good. I hope you never do cut. It's not a fun road to be on. Pain is all I know to and cutting is the way I deal with it. Wouldnt wish that on no one.
Blessed Be.
MaDonna

Re: Breaking Down (User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on Thursday, 18th November 2004 @ 02:31:39 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Aww this does not suck, this is what you were feeling at that what makes it a good poem. so keep that pen writing more poems, and welcome to YPDC.

Hugs,
Jane

Re: Breaking Down (User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on Thursday, 18th November 2004 @ 03:18:18 AM AEST
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Its o.k..good effort..keep writing on..venkat

Re: Breaking Down (User Rating: 1 )
by Gothchyk on Thursday, 18th November 2004 @ 08:49:48 AM AEST
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Awesome write. feelings can be some of your best helpers in writing, this is a perfect example of it. You may not like it but with practice you can mold it into something you thought was never possible. Keep it, looking foward to reading more of your stuff.

Re: Breaking Down (User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on Thursday, 18th November 2004 @ 09:07:51 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This doesn't suck at all.
Some of it sometimes goes a little out of flow, but otherwise it's a great poem. :)
I can relate to this alot. My life seems very similar to this.
Welcome to YPDC! :)

*hugs*
Phil xxx

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