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Poison
Contributed by
butterat_zool
on
Thursday, 25th November 2004 @ 07:27:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Some time ago
Some time ago
Some time ago
a ghost ghost ghost
came into my
came into my world
into my world
hes stranglin me
stranglin me
stranglin me
threw me off the bed
stranglin me
stranglin me
stranglin me
threw me off my
got into my head
got into my
got into my
got into my head
hes
leave me alone
leave me alone
leave me alone
hes got into my head
so I
dream and daydream
dream and daydream
dream and daydream
sitting on my bed
and he walks with me
walks with me
walks with me
tells me where to go
tells me where to
tells me where to
tells me what I know
me what I know
I know I know I know I know
I know I know I know I know
I know I know I know I know
I know I know I know
I go into the
go into the room
into the room
into the
medicine
medicine
medicine
into the room
gotta get my
gotta get my
medicine
medicine
medicine
into the room
I get my
I get my
medicine
medicine
medicine
I get my
poison
I get my
poison
I put it to my
put it to my
put it to my lips
a ghost
a ghost
a ghost
put it to my lips
tells me where to
tells me where to
put it to my lips
I drink a salty drink
I drink a salty drink
I drink a salty
drink a salty
drink a salty drink
a ghost
a ghost
a ghost
put it to my lips
put it to my
medicine
medicine
medicine
it to my lips
it to my
body on the floor
body on the floor
a body on the floor
with my
medicine
medicine
medicine
my
body on the floor
and Im still standing
and Im still standing
with
a ghost ghost ghost
takes me by the hand
takes me by the hand
takes me by the hand
tells me where to
tells me where to
tells me where to go
me where to go
me where to
to be happy
now were happy
now Im happy too
thankful for the
thankful for the
poison
the
poison
the
nothing left to do
now Im happy
now Im happy
nothing left to do
nothing left to do
to be happy
to be happy
nothing left to
nothing left to
nothing left to do
Copyright ©
butterat_zool
... [
2004-11-25 19:27:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Poison
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Thursday, 25th November 2004 @ 07:33:18 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| very unique, great poem* |
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Re: Poison
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 25th November 2004 @ 07:46:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i feel all of the repeating was pointless, was there a reason for it? |
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Re: Poison
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Tuesday, 14th December 2004 @ 06:12:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Hehehe awesome!!! I know it was meant to be 'fun' but it creeped me out a bit, in a good way. It's wonderful how you're constantly venturing into new territory without compromising what you want to do with your poetry just to please the audience (altho this was definitely a pleaser).
My only minor (and purely subjective) criticisms are that the jilted rhythm lost its beautiful flow a couple of times, and about 3/4 of the way through the poem I started to feel like maybe you should be progressing the style somehow... but the last 5 or so lines put a nice finish to it so that was fine. Love it love it love it!! |
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Re: Poison
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 19th January 2005 @ 06:50:04 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Essentially9 has no ajar mind for how this sound sound. What a shame. If only she opened her mind.
Anyway - I found this phonically effective, with the accurate use of repetition to conjur an eerily accurate representation of a delay, which (in my mind, at least) conveys a well-known representation of ghost-speech. Never mind the content - I thought your technique here is something I'd find useful . . .
Have you ever played Thief 3 - Deadly Shadows? |
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