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Array
(
[sid] => 74256
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Trapped in confusing thoughts of truth and lies.
[time] => 2004-12-03 10:43:59
[hometext] => Things my mum says are making me think. Will I drive my friends away if I carry on like this? I don’t know… but I’ve been thinking about it all day
[bodytext] => I’m feeling twisted all over again. I’m nervous I’ll blow my relationships. I’m thinking of last night when I bled. … And how much I felt like *****. Today I coped and it felt ok. Watching those ***** not start today. But I still feel trapped inside this stain. And I’ll do anything to get away… And they’ll think what they like, it’s what they always do. Saying I’m alright, and I’m NOT feeling blue. Saying I’m not the type, to be mentally confused. Saying I’m NOT fine, but I WASN’T abused… My mum changes her thoughts on a regular basis. Asking why I get distraught and why I say she rips the p*ss. Saying how she don’t under stand, why I would slit my wrist. Saying how I don’t have to be sad, ‘coz she’ll help me through this. Then it just twists and she talks bull again. Saying how I’m mentally ill and how I have no ‘NICE’ friends. Saying how I’m bringing it ‘on myself again’… When 2 of my mates, they’re in the ‘police’ cadets. … But I can’t block out what she has to say. All of her poison is printed on my brain. And I can seem to EVER leave this stain. And I’m thinking solid now, will I ‘drive’ my friends away? [comments] => 2 [counter] => 196 [topic] => 43 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
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