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Array ( [sid] => 74905 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Juan and no comma [time] => 2004-12-08 15:23:35 [hometext] => Experimenting with NO punctuation, inspired by Gertrude Stein--poet, woman, goddess [bodytext] =>
If I tell you tell you what I did would knowing what I did I did help you or harm you harm you and you drink coffee for the first time since I did and cry underneath your guitar. Will you ignore my hands hands when they see your face the face so brown and sacrificing the warm lips warm will fall and break like my sentences. No commas please. Just periods. After what I said to you said to you the song you wrote you sang at night to her with the purple blood-less breasts to her that is to me. Period. Right. I will be the emotional pedophile emotional like Japanese gold I wont break wont break but you will you just might at night if the female nightmare seduces you to dig into the mattress with fingernails dirty from my hair my scalp no comma just a.
You will forget forget you will all the times (use the word as a verb for what we did to each other inside each other or otherwise) and end will finally end the dysfunction functioning only in as long as long as we fake gratitude and mercy. Gratitude and mercy is what shelters me from the world shelters me and exposes me raw like an opened confessional kicked over by a lit candle.
So if I told you since I told you did you change or change change into a temporary artist artist that cooks misery cooks it or a human real strong endearing human who can say no and no and not be an exclamation mark meaning your words mean how they sound. Did you do that. Turn into a human. That human. Did you.
I am sorry,
[comments] => 2 [counter] => 194 [topic] => 31 [informant] => ina [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 6 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => StoryPoetry )

Juan and no comma

Contributed by ina on Wednesday, 8th December 2004 @ 03:23:35 PM in AEST
Topic: StoryPoetry

If I tell you tell you what I did would knowing what I did I did help you or harm you harm you and you drink coffee for the first time since I did and cry underneath your guitar. Will you ignore my hands hands when they see your face the face so brown and sacrificing the warm lips warm will fall and break like my sentences. No commas please. Just periods. After what I said to you said to you the song you wrote you sang at night to her with the purple blood-less breasts to her that is to me. Period. Right. I will be the emotional pedophile emotional like Japanese gold I wont break wont break but you will you just might at night if the female nightmare seduces you to dig into the mattress with fingernails dirty from my hair my scalp no comma just a.
You will forget forget you will all the times (use the word as a verb for what we did to each other inside each other or otherwise) and end will finally end the dysfunction functioning only in as long as long as we fake gratitude and mercy. Gratitude and mercy is what shelters me from the world shelters me and exposes me raw like an opened confessional kicked over by a lit candle.
So if I told you since I told you did you change or change change into a temporary artist artist that cooks misery cooks it or a human real strong endearing human who can say no and no and not be an exclamation mark meaning your words mean how they sound. Did you do that. Turn into a human. That human. Did you.
I am sorry,

Copyright © ina ... [ 2004-12-08 15:23:35]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Juan and no comma (User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on Wednesday, 8th December 2004 @ 06:02:14 PM AEST
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wow, I can honestly say that I've never read anything like this before. Something rang true for me....I can't place an exact emphasis on what it was.....Maybe it was the honesty. But who knows, maybe you weren't being honest at all. I don't know...I always second guess anything I say. Don't pay attention. I'm absurd. Crazy flemmed mucus brained belief ridden Christian. Just kidding.

. No commas please. Just periods

Period. Right. I will be the emotional pedophile emotional like Japanese gold I wont break wont break but you will you just might at night if the female nightmare seduces you to dig into the mattress with fingernails dirty from my hair my scalp no comma just a.

I like how you say, no comma's, just periods. It reminds me of a certain aspect of writing....can't really say what it is....it reminds me of what it feels like to write. It is the "process" of writing a poem. I guess that's the only way I can describe it.

And of course you have crazy lines and images.

Did you do that. Turn into a human. That human. Did you.
I am sorry,

what the f*ck? I like it. That is a mind f*ck. The entire poem was a mind f*ck. The way you wrote it made me hallucinate. I couldn't see. I tried to strain....I see colors coming off of the monitor....God damn, LSD, that sh*t sticks in your spine. It's there for life. It's great.

You will forget forget you will all the times (use the word as a verb for what we did to each other inside each other or otherwise) and end will finally end the dysfunction functioning only in as long as long as we fake gratitude and mercy

fake gratitude and mercy. There's that feeling again, that you keep coming back with. I love it.

Great experiment.

Be True,
zenmind

Re: Juan and no comma (User Rating: 1 )
by reilt on Monday, 13th December 2004 @ 02:35:21 PM AEST
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great poem. i read this on your xanga site. i loved it then...i still do

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