|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Array
(
[sid] => 80344
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Closed
[time] => 2005-01-17 21:28:19
[hometext] => Ok - it's been a while since I've written anything so please forgive this messy attempt at a comeback. All comments are much appreciated.
[bodytext] => Love, be beneath me.
Take your bag of vile tricks and go
Go - to where sunken ships amass
To where phantom horses trample dreams
No more will I breathe of your cloy
Your battered charm, your ugly ways
I cast you into cold fury for my
heart now speaks as stone.
For Cupid lives to ravage us with arrows
Rapes us till the hope all but dissolves
You drank of me like a fanged queen
Now I bow before you, caught in shame
Deflowered now, the virgin's dance is dead
A trophy set to join the others that you stole
I cast you into cold fury for my
heart now beats as stone.
Love, be beneath me.
I will not be fooled by the glitters you adorn
Breathe malice into every girl's love song
And the tears they shed, you keep
Your lies are in your smiles, your knowing eyes
I'm hollow in my praise for you
I cast you as a wanderer for
the door to my heart is now closed.
[comments] => 12
[counter] => 347
[topic] => 6
[informant] => Avarice_Riot
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 19
[ratings] => 4
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => AngryPoetry
)
Closed
Contributed by
Avarice_Riot
on
Monday, 17th January 2005 @ 09:28:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
Love, be beneath me.
Take your bag of vile tricks and go
Go - to where sunken ships amass
To where phantom horses trample dreams
No more will I breathe of your cloy
Your battered charm, your ugly ways
I cast you into cold fury for my
heart now speaks as stone.
For Cupid lives to ravage us with arrows
Rapes us till the hope all but dissolves
You drank of me like a fanged queen
Now I bow before you, caught in shame
Deflowered now, the virgin's dance is dead
A trophy set to join the others that you stole
I cast you into cold fury for my
heart now beats as stone.
Love, be beneath me.
I will not be fooled by the glitters you adorn
Breathe malice into every girl's love song
And the tears they shed, you keep
Your lies are in your smiles, your knowing eyes
I'm hollow in my praise for you
I cast you as a wanderer for
the door to my heart is now closed.
Copyright ©
Avarice_Riot
... [
2005-01-17 21:28:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 17th January 2005 @ 09:31:46 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| It's a good comeback! Missed your name here. This is highly expressive. Cheers! |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by bluebird on
Monday, 17th January 2005 @ 09:34:24 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow!!! : ) this is awesome. one of the best I read! its so different from all the other poems on this subject.Love it.
~keep the faith~
bluebird |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by classicfailedhero on
Monday, 17th January 2005 @ 09:49:38 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| hey, i found your poem interesting but i felt it lacked something but then again i am no poetry expert. keep up the good work. |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 17th January 2005 @ 10:17:27 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| but is it locked? you wrote this very well. |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by clowns_can_burn on
Monday, 17th January 2005 @ 10:36:41 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow
i dont think i can say much more
i Love it, keep it up |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 18th January 2005 @ 04:12:31 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Pain, beauty, sorrow..... you captured every emotion within this magnificant poem.... great poem to comeback with.... your talent amazes me still...... Awesome truly awesome !!!!!! |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 18th January 2005 @ 09:22:14 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I like the rhymes in assonance, very nice. However, there is a general feeling of impenetrability [thesaurus?] about this write, that I can't shake. Much like, I assume, the heart which you have written about.
Interesting, but ultimately unfathomable.
Keep writing, AR. |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by silent on
Thursday, 20th January 2005 @ 11:24:00 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I love this one, constructed very well. You paint a very descriptive picture.
Well done. |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Friday, 21st January 2005 @ 04:27:21 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Welldone..glad to read your postings again:-) venkat |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 2nd February 2005 @ 03:49:22 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
You consider this a messy attempt!!!!??
I think this awsome!
Great word play, good flow and rythmn.
It also makes the reader hope that one day your heart will open again...great job!!!! |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 13th April 2005 @ 04:09:55 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I can relate to this masterpeice. huggs,
emy |
|
|
Re: Closed
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Monday, 2nd May 2005 @ 04:05:47 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| An angry write indeed, a tale full of the cacophony of dead dreams, deflowered trust and desecrated love. I can feel the rage behind it but hidden within, I can also feel the tender bruisings and the gaping wounds of hurt, of loss.A rather powerful write my friend but sadly speaks of a downcast tempered heart. I both read the currents in this write and feel the story inside, for I too had a similar let-down with love...not quite the same in experience but perhaps the same in resonance. I too was a broken self at the end. So I understand the shutdown at the end...a vocal "never again!" of sorts. Though I do not know what this is from, either experience or some mental simulation, I apploud the impact that it creates upon your readers. Good write. Although a funny thing about love you can both say no to it and yearn for it at the same time...a painful duality is it not? |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
