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Away From You
Contributed by
essentially9
on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 09:41:33 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
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Away From You
I'm facing you
For another day.
Your facade hides truth
And the undying pain
That's under the skin
And deep within
That lies with the sin
That you can't forgive.
I'm facing you once again
Though I don't want to,
Since you're like the rest of them
Who don't want me to get through.
I look upon my reflection,
And I break the mirror of perception
Leaving a lasting impression,
As I start taking the right direction
Away from the lies
That I've believed about myself;
Away from the nights
That loneliness was all I felt.
Copyright ©
essentially9
... [
2005-03-26 21:41:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Les4567 on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 09:54:50 PM AEST
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Jen,
This was a very good poem. I am going to be blunt, please dont take offense. In my opinion this is not your best, but I did enjoy it. You are an amazing writer. Please never stop writing!
~Les |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by PeaceLovHppnes on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 10:21:22 PM AEST
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I really enjoyed this write...I understand where ur coming from..i have not read much of your other works so I cant agree with Les..but Im sure your writes only get better!
xoxo |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheVoice on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 10:54:07 PM AEST
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Everyone needs to reach that awakening sooner or later. Turn the corner and realize the better person within that is you.
The Voice
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 11:31:30 PM AEST
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A FASCINATING PEICE OF WRITTING 2 SAY THE LEAST THOUGH IT SAYS MORE THAN THAT, CAME ACCROSS VERY EFFECTIVELY
SPEAKING 4 MY SELF, A COMENDABLE
WORK OF POETIC ACHEIVMENT . . .
DORIAN CHAMBERS |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Doriens_Picture on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 11:56:01 PM AEST
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hey i am sorry i been away i been trying to deal and not kill my self or any one else at that
this poems great another one of your great writes |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 12:29:51 AM AEST
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I disagree with Les. I think this is a truly great piece of work, expressed deeply and so well.
Only a talented writer can express themselves in such a way as u do. A splendid poem with a deep lasting impression.
Well done, Jen.
Hugs,
Sue |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 12:35:55 AM AEST
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wow jen this is an awesome write.. I can feel the emptiness from it.. Im lovin this.. awesome JOb
JENNI |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 08:30:56 AM AEST
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U go girlfriend.
You've got it so keep going forward and remember I'm always here to listen and encourage.
A masterpeice.
luv, huggs, smiles,
emy |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 09:56:17 AM AEST
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a very good write, you always express yourself so well
pix xx |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 06:42:41 PM AEST
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Brilliant the ending was just wow so perfect.
This was written rather simply but
sometimes those have more appeal that one
written with a poetic flair or whatever you want
to call it. Yeah and the ending to this was just
awesome.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 28th March 2005 @ 12:39:26 AM AEST
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| Very good..well wrapped "away from the lies...& nights that lonlinesss was all I felt". :-) venkat |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Monday, 28th March 2005 @ 10:38:39 PM AEST
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Hmmmm Jen...again...it never fails, Your amazing talent....Awesome and I can relate...
Clark |
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Re: Away From You
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Thursday, 16th March 2006 @ 05:12:05 PM AEST
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This one was at 99 reads and it ticked me off, so I hopefully made it an even 100 :P
But anyways, diving right into the subject matter, are you taking what you said here to heart? It's an important fact of life, and this is a topic I remember touching upon myself. The mirror idea was pretty good, although I've seen it a bunch of times, I dont think anybody ends up shattering their mirror to move on in their writes. Either I have to congratulate you on the originality, or I have to read more poetry. If you could write a story with this kind of subject matter and message, I just might call you an obvious optimist :)
If you wanted to nitpick about the write (and if you care to edit it in any way), might I suggest using a capital "M" and "P" when talking about the mirror of perception, just to personify it a bit and give it a little more character.
But anyways, what's important is that I liked the write.
...and that the post should be at an even 100 reads, because if it's not it's going to tick me off (I think I watch too many episodes of Monk...) |
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