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Array ( [sid] => 89291 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => slumber; please [time] => 2005-03-30 02:04:05 [hometext] => [bodytext] => slumber; please
encumber my fears;
number the stars
unsequentially
in high frequency)

reverie; mine
slavery to what could be;
bravery in plastic pipe dreams
undeniably
libertine incredulity)

opinion; subdue
pinion in avarice;
contrarian of life
unknowingly
the last charlatan)

slumber; please
encumber my fears;
somber in chilling caress
unwillingly
slaying me) [comments] => 2 [counter] => 156 [topic] => 43 [informant] => electrique_poet [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

slumber; please

Contributed by electrique_poet on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 02:04:05 AM in AEST
Topic: oops

slumber; please
encumber my fears;
number the stars
unsequentially
in high frequency)

reverie; mine
slavery to what could be;
bravery in plastic pipe dreams
undeniably
libertine incredulity)

opinion; subdue
pinion in avarice;
contrarian of life
unknowingly
the last charlatan)

slumber; please
encumber my fears;
somber in chilling caress
unwillingly
slaying me)

Copyright Â© electrique_poet ... [ 2005-03-30 02:04:05]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: slumber; please (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 4th April 2005 @ 10:59:43 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

“Number the stars
unsequentially
in high frequency”

–Metaphoric or perhaps the symbolisation of the invisible forces which control your life, so governing, you cannot grasp its intangible grip.

“reverie; mine
slavery to what could be;
bravery in plastic pipe dreams
undeniably
libertine incredulity”

-My favoured stanza.
Mainly due to the use of contrast between ‘reverie’ and ‘bravery’ to ‘slavery’ and ‘plastic pipe dreams’.
Seems to me there is much inner conflict…
A dark desire?

Opinion; subdue
pinion in avarice; contrarian of life
unknowingly
the last charlatan”

-Effective use of personification (second line), in representing a specific element in regards to the perversion in nature, to the perhaps inevitable mechanical charlatan.

I am thankful for your public offering of this wealthy-opus!
As well as your display of facility with words.
You began and ended with corresponding accord, further more enhancing emotive and communicative expression.
A genuinely psychological piece… thought provoking and a symbolical muse.

Re: slumber; please (User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on Monday, 4th April 2005 @ 11:14:00 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Oh, I like this! This is exactly the sort of piece that makes me wish we had a universal YPDC cafe where poets sat about discussing their writes and even, perhaps, giving up the inspiration and the secrets embedded within them. I would love to know more about this piece (even though as I type that I'm somewhat relunctant to let go the chance to see it as I do now).

Nice work here. Only one picky comment (I do hope you don't mind it).... I could be wrong here of course, but I don't think "unsequentially" is a word. Might "randomly" be a strong enough word in its stead?

Keep writing!
SNM

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