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(
[sid] => 89607
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => You stole the words
[time] => 2005-04-01 16:55:53
[hometext] => I don't know about this one.. it seems...'off' somehow.. Tell me what you think, please.
[bodytext] => You stole the words out of my lips,
Before I had the chance to speak,
Then carefully re-arranged the lines,
And shouted them all back at me,
Making them something different,
To what I really need to say,
I guess my thoughts will wait again,
I'll speak of them another day.
I tried so many times before,
To tell you all the words I feel,
But everytime I try to talk,
You stop them before they're even real,
I open up my mouth to speak,
But I'm betrayed and make no sound,
For once you've swept me off my feet,
I lose the words I found.
[But I know one day I'll have to express,
These words you need to hear,
I have to be strong and tell you this,
And try to hold back the fear,
Then I'll finally tell you all my thoughts,
In words, real and sincere
And maybe in the very end,
You would hold them close, and dear.]
So listen to me now...
And hear... Me...
[comments] => 19
[counter] => 285
[topic] => 32
[informant] => lostinmyself
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 38
[ratings] => 8
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => SadPoetry
)
You stole the words
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 04:55:53 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
You stole the words out of my lips,
Before I had the chance to speak,
Then carefully re-arranged the lines,
And shouted them all back at me,
Making them something different,
To what I really need to say,
I guess my thoughts will wait again,
I'll speak of them another day.
I tried so many times before,
To tell you all the words I feel,
But everytime I try to talk,
You stop them before they're even real,
I open up my mouth to speak,
But I'm betrayed and make no sound,
For once you've swept me off my feet,
I lose the words I found.
[But I know one day I'll have to express,
These words you need to hear,
I have to be strong and tell you this,
And try to hold back the fear,
Then I'll finally tell you all my thoughts,
In words, real and sincere
And maybe in the very end,
You would hold them close, and dear.]
So listen to me now...
And hear... Me...
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2005-04-01 16:55:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by BEBE on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 05:06:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great write, it flows perfectly. Good Job
GODBLESS
BEBE |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 05:11:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think this is good. Some of your rhythym is a bit off but the message of the poem is perfect. I like it very much. I have missed reading your poems since I've been away. |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 05:27:12 PM AEST
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|
This was well done, the rhyme scheme was handled quite well, as well as the subject matter, which i more than understand after reading the poem.
the worst thing i can see from this is that maybe it's a bit too easy to relate to, honestly :P
you've truly written something very well here, no complaints from this end, sorry if u really did want some sort of critical response, but i can't seem to think of anything i would change about this. well done. |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by purplestary on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 05:41:12 PM AEST
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|
| i can't see anywhere that it's off..i love this..you have great talent and the message is clear and put together well. great job. |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 06:13:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Phil ... your words are always held close and dear. The ability to speak sometimes eludes us all. Maybe, just maybe, that is why we write. Perhaps if you wrote what needs saying the saying wouldn't seem so difficult.
I like this ... I would change nothing.
Nazzy ~
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 06:30:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Great flow. Very well written. |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by tbird on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 06:33:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Honesty is what makes good poetry. Exceptional write! |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 06:41:17 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
wonderfully written, your words always hit me hard and they flwo perfectly *hugs* you know where I am if you ever need me hun
pix xx |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 08:34:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
This is realy touching there's a scence of
longing in it, almost a parylized emotion just
waiting 2 be screamed out and yet no sound
is heard, very eerie of course very good as
usual you've maintained your goal of your
effectivness Phill . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 03:53:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I liked the rhythm of your write . I think that after the last line .
"You would hold them close, and dear.
Lisen to me now and hear. "
Just a little change but still ending it with the reader feeling like it has a finale. Nice write.
Whisper |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 05:34:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
I like it, and have felt the same!
Good write XOXJill |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 09:34:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I couldn't personally find any flaws.
What you conveyed in this poem is not only wise but it reminds us to listen without being on defense and speak without offense.
Unfortunately, when you bare your soul, rarely another hears what you are saying bec. their mind hears what they want to hear.
I wonder what it would be like if someone did hear when you need them to?
This poem has so much depth and was very touching in a deep emotional way.
Kie |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 09:35:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
A sad and well expressed write, this was really good Phil.
The message of the poem was done so well.
The last stanza was really powerfull i loved the way you express youreself so well.
Good write as always.
Jane~ |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 09:55:38 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
A remarkable write. Flawless and divine as always. Well done Phil. Keep 'em coming darls.
Hugs,
Sue |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 09:56:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
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How sad and how true many do not listen and more do not understand what is being said although the language is quite clear.
Great poem keep em coming all the best from bernard. |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 11:05:44 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This was excellent....right ON the button..
Jenni |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 4th April 2005 @ 11:54:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I can feel the effort you put into this piece trying to be heard!!
Powerful Philly!! |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 15th April 2005 @ 05:52:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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It's a very honest outpouring. Maybe it feels off to you, but not to me.
Very well-spoken feelings.
Andrew |
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Re: You stole the words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 11:55:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Again, I say, your poems make me want to write. I find nothing wrong with your poetry. To be an inspiration to others, that is like, well, that is a gift. I have been randomly reading yours and was thinking , well, which one next? Well, why don't I pick one that was posted near or on the day I joined YPDC. Well, you posted one the very day I joined. I certainly was not disappointed.
I am thankful I have come to know you, both as a poetess and especially a friend.
Take care, Phyllis.
Many blessings to you.
Timmy |
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