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Array ( [sid] => 90581 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Another Slew Of Contradictions [time] => 2005-04-10 23:43:42 [hometext] => Critique and comments deeply appreciated. [bodytext] => My eyes open to shattered moonlight
Each ragged breath
Escaping with a gasp into the night
This is the last time
I'll lay here so still
This is my last try
At willing my lungs to fill

My torn up body rests so battered
Now, nothing matters
Past caring
Past fearing
All of my contradictions aren't worth hearing
I'm past being reasonable
Past everything but laying still

My heart beats slower
Through all this, I know
There's no making sense now
Not even to myself, no
My eyes close
Thrusting one last hope
Cast it out into the night
Praying to a god that isn't mine
I'm past giving up the fight [comments] => 2 [counter] => 172 [topic] => 65 [informant] => iluvpencils [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => toughstuff )

Another Slew Of Contradictions

Contributed by iluvpencils on Sunday, 10th April 2005 @ 11:43:42 PM in AEST
Topic: toughstuff

My eyes open to shattered moonlight
Each ragged breath
Escaping with a gasp into the night
This is the last time
I'll lay here so still
This is my last try
At willing my lungs to fill

My torn up body rests so battered
Now, nothing matters
Past caring
Past fearing
All of my contradictions aren't worth hearing
I'm past being reasonable
Past everything but laying still

My heart beats slower
Through all this, I know
There's no making sense now
Not even to myself, no
My eyes close
Thrusting one last hope
Cast it out into the night
Praying to a god that isn't mine
I'm past giving up the fight

Copyright © iluvpencils ... [ 2005-04-10 23:43:42]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Another Slew Of Contradictions (User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on Monday, 11th April 2005 @ 12:35:05 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Awesomely sad but well written.
huggs,
emy

Re: Another Slew Of Contradictions (User Rating: 1 )
by girltranscended on Monday, 11th April 2005 @ 12:51:40 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

There is a lot I really like here, allow me to elaborate:

"This is the last time
I'll lay here so still
This is my last try
At willing my lungs to fill"

(brilliant , thought provoking lines)

and the "shattered... battered...nothing matters" is great as well. .. I almost might like to see that strong rhyme carried to the last stanza.

"Past everything but laying still"
- this is a strong line that I especially loved.

i liked the whole thing. It carries you through easily and doesn't give itself up on the first read. Great job!

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