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Array ( [sid] => 90706 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Clandestine [time] => 2005-04-12 07:56:09 [hometext] => I am an amateur poet and constructive criticisms would be much appreciated. I'll do anything to improve. Thanks. [bodytext] => Silently,
He watched her…
Her body glowing beneath the kiss
Of the breaking dawn

Rapt under a deep slumber
Tangled sheets concealed her bareness but
The untainted, innocent beauty
Could not be masked

The mist of passion lingered still
Obscuring the view of truth and sense
What is wrong when there is pleasure?
What is right when there is pain?

He breathed her scent and
Her echoing moans filled his ears once more
Skin against skin is ignescent…
They are beginning to burn

As the darkness of the night sheaths the sky
He makes love to her in the moon’s dark side
Though they seek more than just restricted bliss
Forever they must remain… hidden

[comments] => 2 [counter] => 144 [topic] => 2 [informant] => frustratedwitch [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )
Clandestine

Contributed by frustratedwitch on Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 07:56:09 AM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry



Silently,
He watched her…
Her body glowing beneath the kiss
Of the breaking dawn

Rapt under a deep slumber
Tangled sheets concealed her bareness but
The untainted, innocent beauty
Could not be masked

The mist of passion lingered still
Obscuring the view of truth and sense
What is wrong when there is pleasure?
What is right when there is pain?

He breathed her scent and
Her echoing moans filled his ears once more
Skin against skin is ignescent…
They are beginning to burn

As the darkness of the night sheaths the sky
He makes love to her in the moon’s dark side
Though they seek more than just restricted bliss
Forever they must remain… hidden





Copyright © frustratedwitch ... [ 2005-04-12 07:56:09]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Clandestine (User Rating: 1 )
by Dri on Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 01:33:34 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
this is very good... i don't tend to like the sappy poems, but this has an element of realism to it that i like. keep writing!


Re: Clandestine (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 13th April 2005 @ 12:23:52 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I'm an amateur myself and not a critic. So all I can say is the same thing "keep writing".

Very good poem and I could "see" the realism too :)




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