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Array
(
[sid] => 90899
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Jade
[time] => 2005-04-14 00:31:01
[hometext] => just another something
[bodytext] => nothing much just somber and withdrawn always searching for pills and sometimes after a good dose she'd tell me she loved me and it always almost made me cry always (almost) i don't know if Jade was her real name but she always said it was and that was good enough for me sometimes i'd kiss her neck and she'd smile and wrinkle her nose and her eyes would kinda roll around i'd like to think it was for me but it was probably the pills the times she'd OD were bad i'd sit up with her all night holding her in my arms turning her head towards the bucket so she wouldn't choke to death on the vomit after awhile, she'd wake up and smile tell me of some dream or another and reach for some pills then sleep the day away she never knew i saw her shoot up or snort not that she was stupid her mind was merely cloudy it broke my heart each time she ran to the dope instead of me she never really gave me a chance to help her maybe she thought i was weak or didn't want to burden me doesn't matter now at her funeral, i couldn't tell which tears were of sorrow and which were of regret regret that i never slapped those damn pills away regret that i never shook her and screamed, "I'M HERE TOO" no matter how i look at it it's still assisted suicide to me because i just stood by and let her kill herself i let her waste the life i loved i let her die, virtually alone and even now, as i fill the needle i can't tell if i'm just trying to escape the past or if i'm just following her again down the path she made for her heart and the one who loved it too [comments] => 4 [counter] => 226 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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