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Misplaced Relativity
Contributed by
FreedomRock
on
Monday, 16th May 2005 @ 11:37:11 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
RELATE
TO THIS PHOBIA
THIS BLACK HOLE THAT SUCKS MY LIFE FROM ME
RELATE
TO WHAT IS PRECIDENT
TO FIND MYSELF WITHIN YOU?
THE INEVITABLE BLOOMS WITHIN...
SPAWN FROM DISTASTER
INTO CONFUSION
INTO DELUSION
LOST FAITH
FROM MISPLACED RELATIVITY
I LIVE ENCUMBERED
WITH YOUR STYLE
WITH YOUR TRENDS
WITH YOUR FEAR TO THINK FOR ONE'S SELF
RELATE
TO DESPERATE HATE
TO FIND WHAT DRIVES ME
MY LIFE CURVES TO YOUR "PERFECT" WORLD
AND REDEFINES ME
STILL YOU POINT YOUR FINGER
TO SHAME ME
TO BLAME ME
I BLAME YOU!
SPAWN FROM DISASTER
I LIVE CONFUSION
MENTAL DELUSION
MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHAT DRIVES ME TO CHOOSE
LOVE OVER HATE
TO FORGIVE ONE'S MISTAKES
PRAY I FIND PEACE SOMEDAY
ONE DAY YOU'LL SEE YOUR REFLECTION
AWAKEN WITH SHAME
THESE IMAGES NEVER MORE PRESENT
RELATING YOUR WHOLE WORTHLESS LIFE
TO THE DYING MAN BEHIND YOU
FEELING EMPTY
YOU'RE BLACKENED SOUL WILL SCREAM FOR FORGIVENESS
AND THEN... YOU'LL FORGET ABOUT IT
Copyright ©
FreedomRock
... [
2005-05-16 23:37:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Misplaced Relativity
(User Rating: 1 )
by heartless_soul on
Tuesday, 17th May 2005 @ 01:58:05 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| Welcome to YPDC hope that you enjoy yourself here. now to the point, this was a very good poem (for a first attempt at lyrical style) but you need to work on the line structure, try to keep the lines flowing evenly with each other as well with the over all poem, try not to force it to flow just let it happen. this was a very good poem if flowed well with its structure and keept my attention, very good. Be well. |
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