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Array ( [sid] => 95120 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => ''See?'' [time] => 2005-05-20 12:06:40 [hometext] => I thought this up randomly,and thought I didn't fine tune it,I think it'll be fine. [bodytext] => Can you see the hatred?
Pain inside my eyes...
The sun begins to set
The moon begins to rise...
Dreary nights I wonder
What is left for me...
Has all the living perished?
Am I even meant to be?
Slowly,sadly..
All tends to fall
I'm stuck here behind,
this unbreakable wall...
Something burns within me,
Oh the will to live
And yet I still get nothing
With all I have to give
Confusion bubbling in me,
I'm lost..Oh so lost..
And once again I ask you,
Do you?Do you see?
[comments] => 4 [counter] => 186 [topic] => 48 [informant] => Emerald_Ivory [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

''See?''

Contributed by Emerald_Ivory on Friday, 20th May 2005 @ 12:06:40 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

Can you see the hatred?
Pain inside my eyes...
The sun begins to set
The moon begins to rise...
Dreary nights I wonder
What is left for me...
Has all the living perished?
Am I even meant to be?
Slowly,sadly..
All tends to fall
I'm stuck here behind,
this unbreakable wall...
Something burns within me,
Oh the will to live
And yet I still get nothing
With all I have to give
Confusion bubbling in me,
I'm lost..Oh so lost..
And once again I ask you,
Do you?Do you see?

Copyright © Emerald_Ivory ... [ 2005-05-20 12:06:40]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: ''See?'' (User Rating: 1 )
by heartless_soul on Friday, 20th May 2005 @ 12:30:40 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Welcome to YPDC, hope that you enjoy your time here with us as we will yours. this was a truly emotioanl poem, made my heart feel your words, you used ever aspect to portray this writing very well done, your imagery was perfect and the flow and structure were flawless, this is truly a great first posting, but I would like to see whatr this would be like if you "fine tuned it" I am looking forword to reading you later. Be well

*H_S*

Re: ''See?'' (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 20th May 2005 @ 12:42:00 PM AEST
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Actually for a rough draft this is pretty well done!
I see you took the last line out of rhyme....an attention grabber? I most likely would have rhymed it, but in an odd way it seems to work.

Re: ''See?'' (User Rating: 1 )
by Tiffany_23_t on Monday, 14th November 2005 @ 03:27:11 PM AEST
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great poem!! keep up the good work!

Re: ''See?'' (User Rating: 1 )
by vox on Friday, 18th November 2005 @ 06:08:29 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

a bit moody i might say, but thats wut makes it great. cos its different from others i have read

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