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Array ( [sid] => 95600 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Lifeless [time] => 2005-05-24 13:40:05 [hometext] => I'm trying to move from poetry to lyrics. Rhyming has always been a challenge for me. Let me know what you think. [bodytext] => Night has left me alone
stripped me of silence
and watched as I stumbled

Unable to speak
trying to cling
and wait for your passing

But you come around with your song
singing of brilliance and magic
and a life that's less tragic

And it's all I can do to hang on
and keep me from crying
as I burn here with you

How lifeless do you think
that I would have to be?
To not see what you see?
To feel the place you flee?

Love has died once again
tempted me down this dark path
and laughed as I called out

But you answer to my anguished scream
with jealousy and silence
mystery and violence

And I open my eyes to the pain
in this bed that I share with you

How lifeless do you think
that I would have to be?
To not see what you see?
To feel the place you flee?

Everything's burning.
Everything's changing now.

I can't stop the webs
that have already begun.

I can't help but grieve
the prize I have won.

How lifeless do you think
that I would have to be?
To not see what you see?
To feel the place you flee?

[comments] => 5 [counter] => 167 [topic] => 75 [informant] => Blu [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 13 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )

Lifeless

Contributed by Blu on Tuesday, 24th May 2005 @ 01:40:05 PM in AEST
Topic: anguished

Night has left me alone
stripped me of silence
and watched as I stumbled

Unable to speak
trying to cling
and wait for your passing

But you come around with your song
singing of brilliance and magic
and a life that's less tragic

And it's all I can do to hang on
and keep me from crying
as I burn here with you

How lifeless do you think
that I would have to be?
To not see what you see?
To feel the place you flee?

Love has died once again
tempted me down this dark path
and laughed as I called out

But you answer to my anguished scream
with jealousy and silence
mystery and violence

And I open my eyes to the pain
in this bed that I share with you

How lifeless do you think
that I would have to be?
To not see what you see?
To feel the place you flee?

Everything's burning.
Everything's changing now.

I can't stop the webs
that have already begun.

I can't help but grieve
the prize I have won.

How lifeless do you think
that I would have to be?
To not see what you see?
To feel the place you flee?

Copyright © Blu ... [ 2005-05-24 13:40:05]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Lifeless (User Rating: 1 )
by Kayan on Tuesday, 24th May 2005 @ 03:41:43 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Wow! The repetition you used
carries the theme through out.
The rhyming is excellent and captures
the emotion you're feeling. Your "angels"
must be putting you through a great deal.

Expressive and brilliant.

Kayan

Re: Lifeless (User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 12:06:39 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Brilliant. This was really good. Great rhyming and word choice. it flowed perfect and great use of repatition..

X+X christina X+X

Re: Lifeless (User Rating: 1 )
by waos on Wednesday, 1st June 2005 @ 09:25:32 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

That rocks... you definitely did an awesome job on it. The rhythm and rhyming
were original and flowed really really well. Good work!!

~Kara

Re: Lifeless (User Rating: 1 )
by boobiepeach on Thursday, 9th June 2005 @ 12:50:14 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

well dont. and good questions

Re: Lifeless (User Rating: 1 )
by Dorkfish on Thursday, 9th June 2005 @ 02:39:44 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

That was really good. I can see how you can turn it into more than a poem. It could definately be lyrics with a little fine tuning. Great job!

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