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| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 02-June 13:10:42 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 95622
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Can't Stand It
[time] => 2005-05-24 17:42:01
[hometext] => This poem is very close to me...
[bodytext] => I feel so helpless, so ruined, so used. What is wrong with me? They tell me it is nothing but why do I feel this way? I should have tried harder, maybe pushed stronger, yelled a little louder. It is my fault that this has happened, They tell me that it is not but I know the truth... I didn’t say no soon enough, I didn’t persist enough I can still feel his hands holding mine Holding them down on the bed, Making me stay where I am. His skin is touching mine, I want to push him off But I can’t I can’t push him hard enough. I can still feel him on me after many showers, Steaming hot. So hot I can barely stand it... But I want him off of me. I close my eyes. I can see him laughing in my face. When I sit in the dark or all by myself I can hear his voice calling me a ***** His breathing is loud in my ear. I can’t get rid of the sound... make it go away. I can’t get rid of my thoughts no matter how hard I push them away. The nightmares They won’t leave. Every time I sleep for just a few hours just to get away from it It follows me in, haunts me till I wake up in a cold sweat. What did I do, I know that I am not perfect... Far from it I know But what did I do, God, What did I do. I am sorry for what I did I won’t do it again. I don’t need this. Especially with everything else going on. I am scared One more thing could push me over the edge. I don’t want to leave but it may be the only way. Please forgive me if I do, Please don’t leave me if I can’t hold on Don’t be mad at me. You were the only one I could trust. I need someone to hold me after the nightmares. Even though we have been through so much together. This I cannot share, I can’t put you through this, You are already through so much. I know you want to help me but I can’t do it. I can’t look at the pain in your eyes when you look at me. I don’t want you to have something else to worry about. But I also know that I can’t handle this, I can’t go through life looking around each corner. I can’t tell on the person that did this to me for I don’t even know his name. He could live down the street or just next-door. I have been through this once and I handled it then I cannot do it again. So I know what I have to do... I know that you will be mad and sad and wish that you could have me back I can’t let you see me like this for the rest of forever... I know what I have to do.. I need to say however painful that it is... I need to say good-bye Thanks for loving me. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 147 [topic] => 65 [informant] => writer4life22 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => toughstuff )
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