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Array
(
[sid] => 96585
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I Only Cry
[time] => 2005-06-02 11:44:03
[hometext] => This poem is about my cousin who was lost in a car accident on April 1, 2005...Much love, Dean!
[bodytext] => Like a candle of wax, I am melting away. My disfigurement I can see in my eyes. A mangled soul lurks within me, And there’s not a day that it doesn’t cry. Blood pumps through these twisted veins Though I often feel dead to the world. I walk through days of void and absence. Into an abyss of anguish, I was hurled. This endless darkness I have come to love Memories flow so freely in black Our smiles together side by side Simply make me want you back Broken glass cuts through my foggy dreams And metal shards slice through my soul I see you lying too still for life And I am spiraling out of control. I open my eyes to my lightless room, To tears flooding my grimaced face. I want out, I’m breaking down I will never make it at this pace. So night after night I lie awake Sleep won’t save me from me. An internal battle of the heart and mind Asks, “To be or not to be?” Not to be would be so easy To be, can I bear the pain? Where would I be without these thoughts? Better off or just the same? Weakness engulfs my every attempt To breathe life back into my own. It’s not death that I fear the most I’m so afraid that you felt alone. A cousin’s blood with a brother’s love That brightened so many of my days. I cling to pictures with shaking hands And watch the rise of the suns first rays. Sleep no longer comes to this mind And it is just nowhere to be found. I want to picture every shared moment. I have to remember every sound. Where are you and what are you doing? I miss you like I can’t explain. My fingers push this ballpoint pen But the words won’t ease my pain. Is there a heaven? Have you talked to God? I just don’t believe anymore My heart is too heavy with no help in sight. So what is there to pray for? But if I am wrong, please let me know Give me a sign that I cannot deny Because rainbows occur but so do wrecks. And I only continue to cry. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 155 [topic] => 75 [informant] => bigdmail [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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