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Array ( [sid] => 130382 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Beauty of Unsightliness [time] => 2007-01-11 00:49:39 [hometext] => Feel free to comment. About my hometown beach in Corpus Christi. While it may have been overused, it brought many people together, which you'll read torwards the end of the poem. [bodytext] => The sand
frigid and sharp
covering my feet
always stinging

The sky
grey and dull
seagulls swarming
always singing

The people
quiet and loud
spread about unevenly
always clinging

The water
green and grim
disturbed beauty
never gleaming

So many souls
good and bad
same destination
always searching

The beach
littered and changed
a fond memory
forever keeping me dreaming [comments] => 13 [counter] => 381 [topic] => 44 [informant] => Alex23 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 16 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Nostalgic )
The Beauty of Unsightliness

Contributed by Alex23 on Thursday, 11th January 2007 @ 12:49:39 AM in AEST
Topic: Nostalgic



The sand
frigid and sharp
covering my feet
always stinging

The sky
grey and dull
seagulls swarming
always singing

The people
quiet and loud
spread about unevenly
always clinging

The water
green and grim
disturbed beauty
never gleaming

So many souls
good and bad
same destination
always searching

The beach
littered and changed
a fond memory
forever keeping me dreaming




Copyright © Alex23 ... [ 2007-01-11 00:49:39]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on Thursday, 11th January 2007 @ 11:14:59 AM AEST
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Good write. Don't leave her to the trash...go and clean her up and get some folks/friends to help. It is sad that someone treats our Mother Earth which such a lack of feeling. It sounds like a beautiful beach. It just needs someone to care....and it sounds like you do.
Peace, Laura


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Friday, 12th January 2007 @ 01:44:53 AM AEST
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Welcome!
I liked the structure and detail to images. I could have been strolling right along that beach. Indeed clean the sands, slap the litter bugs and always enjoy that beautiful ocean and shimmering sand.

~Michelle~


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by Crow on Saturday, 13th January 2007 @ 11:33:43 PM AEST
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very nice style Alex, enjoyed this read. Crow


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by HoneyCat on Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 12:00:56 AM AEST
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your words seem to dance through the poem


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 09:49:56 AM AEST
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I had to laugh a little at parts of this since I've been to Corpus a few times - I live in Austin, myself.

I think you paid attention to the structure on this one and less on rhymes like the last, which I like. You've shown a good variety of styles in just three poems, so I applaud you for that.

The use of repetition is effective and a plus. The use of "The _______" is simple and succinct, and the change in the 5th stanza is traditional and a good move.

The second line of each stanza is interesting because, as I was reading through a second time, I paid attention to see if there was any unifying factor to them. The third and fifth stanzas are similar with opposites, while the second and, arguably, the fourth and sixth are similar items (though 'green' can imply the opposite of grim, too).

One thing you may consider trying in the future is another poem like this, but use the second line of each stanza, for instance, to convey another layer of meaning by having a separate and individual thread of meaning flow along. This can be done in many ways, but if you want more ideas or discussion on this, PM me and we can talk.

Good poem and style. :)

TheSpirit


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 05:25:52 PM AEST
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This has a nice economy of wordage, though the last line broke the structure just a bit - but then, structure in poetry must be broken sometimes.

You could try carrying a single sentence from one stanza to the next. Here, they're all rather separate. Good work, though. Keep it up.

Andrew


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by Clarity_Rising on Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 09:56:46 PM AEST
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This poem is very descriptive.
You use your adjectives wisely,
making it easy for the reader to
picture your hometown very
easily. I look forward to reading
any of your future poems!


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by Alison on Wednesday, 17th January 2007 @ 07:09:23 PM AEST
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oooo i like the way you worded this. good write


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Thursday, 18th January 2007 @ 11:54:35 PM AEST
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very good write...they are always good when coming from the heart...Shari


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by Loriann on Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 08:18:26 PM AEST
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I agree with many. We do need to stop look and help clean up but not only our beaches but the world. This is where we live and so many care so less. Very nice write.

Loriann


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by Janet on Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 08:58:13 PM AEST
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I like the way one thought flowed into another so easily... Very good imagery and good message...

Janet


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by Sena on Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 09:02:08 PM AEST
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Creative and expressive write. I love the beach...is one of my favorite places to write poetry and watch sunsets.


Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness (User Rating: 1 )
by priss on Sunday, 18th March 2007 @ 12:47:48 AM AEST
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love it...great write!
~priss




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