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Array ( [sid] => 137815 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => My Apologies To Myself [time] => 2007-10-13 10:24:54 [hometext] => Recently I wrote 'My Apologies To You' for someone... This is the version for myself. If you're looking for something special, don't look here. This is just badly written honesty, and something I needed to post. [bodytext] => I apologise to myself, always,
for holding on to fear,
and letting it control me,
whenever something good comes near.
I apologise to happiness,
for waiting for the next hard thing,
please forgive me hope...
for preparing still, for doubts' harsh sting.
Please forgive me heart,
For letting you control too much, and,
please forgive me head, for never trusting you enough...
I apologise to you, my voice,
for hiding you away,
and only thinking silently,
the things that I should say,
and yet, forgive me silence,
for never letting free your roar,
and keeping it locked down inside,
burning, like some painful sore.

I apologise for giving up,
on each and every dream,
and pretenting still to follow them,
for the sake of the routine.

I apologise to life,
for always dreading death,
yet somehow being half afraid,
to breathe in the next breath.

Yet worst of all, I'm sorry,
for hiding behind this page,
and letting fingers write out things,
my mouth should really say.
I'm sorry I couldn't let the words,
flow out between my lips,
or even have the courage,
to finish writing this.

Please know that I am sorry,
for living life this way,
I hope and pray, no matter what,
you'll forgive my pain someday.
[comments] => 11 [counter] => 664 [topic] => 48 [informant] => lostinmyself [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 35 [ratings] => 7 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
My Apologies To Myself

Contributed by lostinmyself on Saturday, 13th October 2007 @ 10:24:54 AM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry



I apologise to myself, always,
for holding on to fear,
and letting it control me,
whenever something good comes near.
I apologise to happiness,
for waiting for the next hard thing,
please forgive me hope...
for preparing still, for doubts' harsh sting.
Please forgive me heart,
For letting you control too much, and,
please forgive me head, for never trusting you enough...
I apologise to you, my voice,
for hiding you away,
and only thinking silently,
the things that I should say,
and yet, forgive me silence,
for never letting free your roar,
and keeping it locked down inside,
burning, like some painful sore.

I apologise for giving up,
on each and every dream,
and pretenting still to follow them,
for the sake of the routine.

I apologise to life,
for always dreading death,
yet somehow being half afraid,
to breathe in the next breath.

Yet worst of all, I'm sorry,
for hiding behind this page,
and letting fingers write out things,
my mouth should really say.
I'm sorry I couldn't let the words,
flow out between my lips,
or even have the courage,
to finish writing this.

Please know that I am sorry,
for living life this way,
I hope and pray, no matter what,
you'll forgive my pain someday.




Copyright © lostinmyself ... [ 2007-10-13 10:24:54]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on Saturday, 13th October 2007 @ 03:05:17 PM AEST
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I think in order to love others well, one needs to love themselves first. Much the same, I belive holds true for forgiveness ... you must be able to forgive yourself in order to forgive others ... and more importantly ... to accept their forgiveness.

I know you have heard me mention Terry Goodkind a time or two... he has this to say about the matter... Wizard's Fourth Rule


"The Wizard's Fourth Rule, he called it. He said that there was magic in sincere forgiveness, in the Fourth Rule. Magic to heal. In forgiveness you grant, and more so in the forgiveness you receive."

And Philly...

" I apologise to life,
for always dreading death,
yet somehow being half afraid,
to breathe in the next breath."

Now THAT is an apology !!!

Nazzy ~


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Saturday, 13th October 2007 @ 03:34:47 PM AEST
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For some reason this one has me really wanting to write. Perhaps it's that you've expressed so much in verse - it's catching, as I realize I have plenty that wants to be expressed so.

So never mind whether the verse is "good" or not (although your work is always good technically and rhythmically, and always manages to say a lot, so is never "bad"), it is compelling. I recognize a lot in there that I'm sure a lot of us wrestle with, especially the line Nazzy quoted.

Keep it up.

Andrew


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Saturday, 13th October 2007 @ 11:12:49 PM AEST
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Andrew is so right, hun. There is so much in here that many of us wrestle with.
Damn. I loved this the first time I read it, but I can't decide if you've changed
it or not. (There are things I either missed on my first read, or you've added
them, [just to confuse me :P]) This cuts us all open. And the shared emotion
is one of the things that makes this such a sensational piece!!

I'm glad you posted this, hun, for your own personal reasons, (and I hope
it helped), but to say that it's not something special is an injustice to the
emotion and power you evoke in your readers. This stirs hearts to the
very core and inspires and motivates in a way that could move a mountain!!

Lovely work, sweetie, as always. =) Glad to see another post from you.

*hugs you tighter than tight*

love you girl-
~Breezy


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by -Nik-91- on Sunday, 14th October 2007 @ 08:09:17 PM AEST
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wow i love your poem its true really when your scared you dont let nothing try and hurt you but you need to feel pain to know but what you lost you will gain back one day


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on Sunday, 14th October 2007 @ 10:14:03 PM AEST
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Wow, Phil. This was really hard hitting. I think many of us feel this way. I've always thought I was my own worse enemy of sorts. No one can ever come down on me as hard as I have myself....yeah, sometimes I forget to apologize to myself, for how harsh we can be to ourselves....when it is ourselves we should love and honor the most. There is so much inner pain and turmoil which seems to brew silently within us. Forgiving and loving oneself seems to be a good start on renewal. Bold and beautiful write, my sister.
Much peace, love and hugs,
Laura


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by veenu on Sunday, 14th October 2007 @ 10:54:58 PM AEST
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its a great great poem hope u write forever so that every one can listen you .great poem


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on Monday, 15th October 2007 @ 07:37:19 AM AEST
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Phil,

I think that we do owe ourself an apology if we are engaging in condemnation. We may apologize for specific incidences; but not for our self as an entire undeserving entity. We are all imperfect. Guilt is one thing, but shame for our personhood we cannot allow. If you need to apologize, do so for what you said, not for who you are.

I think we cannot afford the idea that we are ok once we rid ourselves of our faluts. Rather wa need to love ourselves with our faults.

This was a very worthy write, well done.

Will


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by brew on Monday, 15th October 2007 @ 11:41:19 AM AEST
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Yes we do seem to be the most honest and constructive to ones self. But sometimes WE have to do so.this way we do see and know, yet we dont have to continuiosly beating one self up. Great job, i need to apologise to myself as well for things......thays for sharing


brew~


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by funnyface09 on Monday, 15th October 2007 @ 01:40:16 PM AEST
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this is certainly a great write..thanks for sharing..
i guess we all make mistakes and are sorry at some point in life but is what we learn in the process that matters...so good luck..

:)


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Sunday, 21st October 2007 @ 12:51:13 PM AEST
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Quite a touching peice, phill. you always manage to give your compassionate and fragile side away. No need to ever apologize for your brilliance and along with your artistic dedication, i've learned what poertry realy means to you, and i'm in tottal awe of your
beautiful and self explanitory writting. take
care . . .


Ben





bjps


Re: My Apologies To Myself (User Rating: 1 )
by MemeCaroline on Tuesday, 8th January 2008 @ 02:28:13 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Awesome! I know I am fairly new to this site but you are by far this best writer that I have read yet. I hope your poetry is very carthartic for you.




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