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You Are A Great Guy...So Kill Me Now

Contributed by wheels on Tuesday, 14th June 2016 @ 07:25:25 PM in AEST
Topic: LostLove



The following is not my normal prose. It is a TRUE STORY--IT IS ME or part of me and it is my life and my isolation. some may think less of me but I am an honest caring man who would never intentionally harm nor take advantage of another. This is written off the cuff - no edits or reviews. it is me exposed and naked - so hate me or empathize... you are free to your own thoughts. I will not judge. I will not hate.


You Are A Great Guy...So Kill Me Now

"You are a great guy" she says
"you are so handsome"
yeah right
what does it matter
Parole is too much for you
I have no life
I have no love...
Not reflected at least.
I knew better
I should not have hoped for love.

...I did not mean to commit a crime
did not know at the time that I had
misinformation and all
I was messed up
mentally
emotionally
a long story in itself
does not matter
I was stupid
bad decision so its my fault
I should have known better
I take the responsibility of it all
I have been single and celibate 8 years since
Punishment to myself
by my own hand.
and yes I have had opportunities
but I will not sleep with just anyone
I am choosy
I need more than that.
A beautiful woman can have nothing inside
Yes, I appreciate beauty
but I need what they hold inside as well
this can make a woman
More beautiful each moment
she is revealed before you.
Each moment you hold her
and know her.

Prison is better than this
several years I have paid
but in prison you have no expectations
and your hopes and dreams can survive
Out here
They are crushed
The restrictions do that
they crush you
They do nothing to nurture a meaningful friendship
they crush the chance at an intimate relation
so no there are no healthy meaningful relationships
they are not within reach
though the lack of walls...
No they are still there
And I am alone.

Its funny...
I have had contracts taken out on my life
Gang jumped
Toe to toe with 6 or 7 other guys
And have never been taken down
not once
I do not consider myself tough
But I survived
and always on my feet
Yet,
I am brought down
My isolation, my loneliness,

Eight years alone
No one to talk to
not really
I found my groove of being alone
I was ok
But I was wrong to sip that wine
to taste of you
your beauty
your heart
I opened barriers held so long
I allowed myself to love you
you were lovely strong and intelligent
Strong enough you believed
to handle my limits
but no...
Parole is too much
Like a faucet shut off
"goodbye"

Driving home
I pulled over
cried like a baby
No its not fair
but I was wrong to love you
I knew better
No body is strong enough
to cope with my parole
I tasted that wine
Sipped it and alone again
I die inside
I felt hope
when I should not have
too soon
3 more years
I lost my groove of being alone
Being alone is different from
letting oneself feel the bitterness of it.
I knew better

"your Handsome"
"your a great guy"
it means nothing
if you cannot share what makes you great
I said that I have very little
but I have a great heart
it holds love sincere and true
It has been beaten and broken
Yet, it still holds such love
it was yours for the taking
If I say I care about you
It is not only because of what you mean to me
yes that is part
it is important
but I care about who and what you are
most cannot say that
I would rather you live without me in happiness
than with me in misery
Yes, I knew better

an echo in my head
"your a great guy...
so kill me now

I shall sip the poison from your hand
as willingly
as I sipped the wine of you.

--wheels--




Copyright ┬ę wheels ... [ 2016-06-14 19:25:25]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: You Are A Great Guy...So Kill Me Now (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Monday, 4th July 2016 @ 11:57:46 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
so raw, honest, and beautifully penned, i absolutely love it and
am happy you posted, the free form style works brilliantly, also,
if you ever need to talk, i/'/m here my friend,

hugs n love nessa

p.s. i too know loneliness well, we are now good friends, lol


Re: You Are A Great Guy...So Kill Me Now (User Rating: 1 )
by Davinah on Sunday, 8th August 2021 @ 05:58:30 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
II was on parole for 5 years and I was Afraid to start a relationship bc people judge you on your past.
After parole ended I met someone and was honest about it and got dumped by the guy.

I am with someone now who doesn┤t care about it but I guess pnly bc he┤s got a record too....

┤normal┤ people will never aprove of you it seems...

Good Lucky yo you though hope you find someone who sees yhe real yo






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