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Sky Seems Shook
Contributed by
jyssvw22
on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 06:39:07 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
The abyss
Layers upon layers
Sheet rock
Cavernous pit
Sedimentary builds
Sea level drops
Tips of the iceberg
Protrude
Into the forests
Stabbing
The decorum
Disrupting
Its flow
A natural
Progression
To whats below
Solid ground
A place to sit
To think
The bottom
Rescues you
From the brink
Of an infant
Freefall
Through
Darkness
Links
Light
And sound
Harmoniously mix
If I
Stir
The moon
If I
Shake
The sun
The stars
Are bound
To fall
One by one
_______
____
Copyright ©
jyssvw22
... [
2005-07-09 18:39:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sky Seems Shook
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 06:46:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I like the way style
good jod I look forward to your
next write |
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Re: Sky Seems Shook
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 06:48:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| meant to say I like the way diff. style |
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Re: Sky Seems Shook
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 07:06:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Hmmm...I was going to say the 2nd stanza is my fave, then I read the 3rd and thought the same...then I realized the whole thing is actually rather great! I really love the staccato flow it had to it...Love that ending.
Scorp. |
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Re: Sky Seems Shook
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 08:15:36 PM AEST
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| Greatly enjoyed this write as well. Love the way you placed it out. Just brilliant. Peace to you. Laura |
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Re: Sky Seems Shook
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 09:45:07 PM AEST
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Well now, this is quite a breathtaking piece of work. The first parts paint a very different picture and setting, and the final three short stanzas are such to snatch one's entire attention. Perfectly formatted thus, in small and separated doses which emphasize the words. Beautiful work!
Andrew
(impressed) |
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Re: Sky Seems Shook
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 06:55:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
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very idealistic..
flawlessly written-
you are a true visionary..
just slpendid-
B |
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