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Richochet
Contributed by
merry
on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 09:22:41 PM in AEST
Topic:
fictional
|
Ricochet of words across your brow
Serene, still waiting, wanting
Slip between the cool sheets
To dream of something distant
Strange unfamiliar taste of a kiss
I knew it was you and nobody else
What was it that you intended to be
Pretended you were very sure of yourself
When indeed your heart cringed in need
Of being loved by anyone, anyone at all
Who would believe and feed your hunger
I did believe until I opened my eyes
Then love began to despise the hateful truth
You spit and sputter and remain aloof
I have watched you weeping in the dark
For everything lost that never comes back
Take friendship and keep it dear
For it can heal the deepest wounds
And resurrect the broken heart
So unsure of its welcome
Copyright ©
merry
... [
2005-07-10 21:22:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Richochet
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Saturday, 20th May 2006 @ 07:35:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Merry, this one reads like liquid silk. Love comes and goes - I'll take a good friend over a lover any day. Well, maybe not everyday.
Spike.
p.s. I do believe that is the last of the zeros, but I confess, I haven't read everything yet. You are just too bloody prolific!
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Re: Richochet
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Tuesday, 13th June 2006 @ 03:42:23 PM AEST
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Hmmm I kinda hoped it had a nicer ending .The first line takes the reader and carries along then duhhh stumble crash and fall. May I suggest to keep the middle up to
...I have watched you weeping in the dark....
If you could make the words flow more smoothly til the end , a bit of rearranging word perhap. Fair write Thanks for sharing
Whisper |
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