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my tear split in two
Contributed by
all_the_dead_roses
on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 02:20:01 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
I'll leave you alone now
I spilled all your tears
I hugged you and then
exposed all your fears
every day I live
I cry for you
my heart's so broken
my tear split in two
every little kiss and every little hug
makes me cry a thousand rivers
because of all the lost love
tell me you love me
one last time
I don't want the words you speak
to be a lonely goodbye
i'll move evrey mountain
that keeps me from you
so now you see why
my tear split in two
Copyright ©
all_the_dead_roses
... [
2005-07-11 02:20:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: my tear split in two
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 06:09:59 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Very touching.
Great writing.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: my tear split in two
(User Rating: 1 )
by hollynicole on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 12:04:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i loved it i've felt that way b4 it brought tears to my eyes |
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Re: my tear split in two
(User Rating: 1 )
by RoxyGirl on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 06:17:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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That is so beautiful.Just keep your head up and hold on love will come again and i hope your heart hills soon
ALWAYS LOVE YOUR FRIEND
ROXYGIRL |
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Re: my tear split in two
(User Rating: 1 )
by gfreek79 on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 09:28:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| your poem is pretty good, i don't reallylike the rhyme scheem, it just doesn't flow for me. and i think your poem has a lot of potential, but over it's pretty well writen/ |
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Re: my tear split in two
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 09:51:30 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
a tear..is a sign of saddness and woe already..
having it spilt in two??
that is some serious saddness..
I dont critique much-
(But seeing as how you asked for comments..)
the flow was kinda weak in the full verse form..
stanzas would've been better..
your thoughts seem to be scattered about-
and if you're going to use the "title" in the write itself..
try to begin and end with it.. for a "full crilcle" effect
that being said..
I hope happiness finds you in the days to come-
M.O.H.
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Re: my tear split in two
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 07:56:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I really liked the title. Very interesting. A bit disorganized, but then again after lost love, what isn't?
Take care, and love again.
David |
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