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Invisible
Contributed by
Aaralyn
on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 01:03:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
You are pain and deception
Behind a mask of love
A voice inside my head
Tried to stop me from falling
But it was too late
Emotions are not a toy
So why must you play with my heart?
I thot we were both adults
But you are still very nave
You dont know what love is
All I ever wanted
Was to be by your side
To be with you and protect you
Form all the pain of the world
If you would just be mine
You long to be with others
Who want somebody else
You dont recognize what you have
Right in front of your face
A love that is pure and true
Yet I am still heart broken and alone
Without you to hold
This doesnt bother you
Because you dont notice it
You dont notice me
Copyright ©
Aaralyn
... [
2005-07-11 13:03:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Invisible
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dri on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 01:38:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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(i know this is long, stay with me. some bad, some good)
i don't know, but i don't like this very much. it feels too... much. like you're writing a note, not a poem. the foundation is good though, if you would just do some editing. some lines are so good, and some fall a little flat.
You are pain and deception
that line is so good, a direct association. beautiful.
Emotions are not a toy
So why must you play with my heart?
this seems a little... tired. I'd say cliché, but that seems a bit harsh for what is otherwise a pretty good write.
keep writing, and good luck!
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Re: Invisible
(User Rating: 1 )
by gfreek79 on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 01:38:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i really like ur poem, it speaks to me as corny as that sounds. it just kinda shows everything i've felt in the past year of my life. |
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Re: Invisible
(User Rating: 1 )
by SkC_cutie on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 09:27:08 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like your poem. You really get your feelings across
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