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Crimson River
Contributed by
xxSuicidalChickxx
on
Saturday, 16th July 2005 @ 04:17:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
This crimson river
Was made because of you
I took the knife and made a sliver
To see the wonderful view
Of my blood pouring out of my vein
To make my worries go away
And to feel the pain
But the pain always comes back the next day
Sometimes worse than before
But that just makes me
Want to add more
Cuts on my arm and not want to be
Living anymore
I just want to slit my throat
And drop onto the floor
With a note
Thats written in all Ive bled
From all the times Ive slit my wrists
I just wanted to be dead
But I just made fists
To try to make it through
This horrible life
I tried so hard but you
Just made me want to pick up a knife
So I think Ive had enough of this
And im saying goodbye
To this world cause I know you wont miss
Me when I die
Copyright ©
xxSuicidalChickxx
... [
2005-07-16 16:17:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Crimson River
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Saturday, 16th July 2005 @ 05:19:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Groovy write. ^^ |
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Re: Crimson River
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Tuesday, 19th July 2005 @ 10:49:10 AM AEST
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a Message)
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An excellent write. The first stanza is the most powerful part of the poem. 'This crimson river, Was made because of you, I took the knife and made a sliver, To see the wonderful view' The part in the poem when you write about the note sitting in your blood really captures the moment. Though I think the last stanza could use a little work, it usually doesn't flow well when you break up sentences. The last three lines are all one sentence. I suggest you reword them or change them entirely to maintain the rythm of the poem.
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