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Eternal Night
Contributed by
sride686
on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 08:55:47 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I never sleep
Nor close my eyes
As the battles rage
With in my mind
The sky dims to black
As darkness falls down
Sleep creeps upon me
To take me some how
My eyes will not shut
Till I inter the grave
Covered with blood
On that day I'll fade
I'll fade to black
And melt away
Death in my eyes
As my mind fills with pain
I never sleep at night
For sleep is the cause of the dead
To take my life
As my site turns to red
Sleep is for the weary
And the weary is weak
I'll never die
For I'm the grim reapers thief
~Steve~
Copyright ©
sride686
... [
2005-07-24 08:55:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Eternal Night
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 09:11:47 AM AEST
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For a second i thought this was 'insomniac poetry', yet after some thought, it is now clear to me that it is not. There is a strong message beneath the words themselves. A very dark write, thought provoking and interesting, with elaborate concepts, regarding 'death'.
"As the battles rage
With in my mind"
--I can very much relate.
The demons of inner conflict.
The second stanza is simply robust!
Excellent use of imagery, personification and rhyme.
"on that day I'll fade"
--I like that...it appeals to me in so many ways... emotively crestfallen...simple and inspiring.
"grim-reapers theif"
--*nods*...awesome!
A mighty good read!
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Re: Eternal Night
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard2 on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 10:38:41 AM AEST
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| Quite a write really but I think too much pessimismus. Life is great and worth living.Bernard2 |
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Re: Eternal Night
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 12:17:38 PM AEST
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A grim write but nicely done steve a lot of pain
and sorrow needed to go away, nice write . . .
Ben |
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Re: Eternal Night
(User Rating: 1 )
by LolaWhite on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 03:47:32 PM AEST
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Sleep is for the weary
And the weary is weak
I'll never die
For I'm the grim reapers thief
I love this stanza! You are fighting against death over there everyday. You fight for the preservation of your own life and the lives of your fellow soldiers each and every day. You are selfless and a wonderful assett to our Armed Forces. Do you think that the weak ones die though? Or perhaps you are cheating death by stealing it before the grim reaper has the chance to bring it to you. I love it babe. The more I think about this one the more I like! I also love that it is classically a Stevie poem...good work.
Your little LW |
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Re: Eternal Night
(User Rating: 1 )
by sprinter27 on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 09:47:42 PM AEST
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wow, very powerful. i enjoyed reading this poem, steve. strong message here that you gave to us. very nice. i like the 1st and last 2 stanzas the best! well done, keep up the good work!
~sprints
p.s. thanks for the comment on Black Water. i enjoyed reading the comment. |
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Re: Eternal Night
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 09:59:47 PM AEST
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Wow. A powerfully emotive write Steve...your feelings are fully felt in this piece...Well done, and the ending is excellent.
Scorp. |
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Re: Eternal Night
(User Rating: 1 )
by Xsitm on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 03:36:18 AM AEST
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| very dark and very good |
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Re: Eternal Night
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 03:50:23 AM AEST
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I understand how you feel.
I would be afraid to sleep too if i were in your place.
awseome dark write.
take care
hugs |
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