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Praying mantis, lover's fate
Contributed by
In_a_while
on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 12:57:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
toughstuff
|
she comes to me while killing flies
angels crying in boxes pine
she keeps me in her sighing lies
while i ingest her pills and wine
you might say i seem confused
and time will see me break
i just think i'm being abused
while feeling deja vu mistake
praying mantis lover's fate
missing individuality
soon we both will turn to hate
then death becomes reality
creativity's dead and gone
she dries the paint inside of me
i hope i won't be smothered long
so i can be on the side of free...
dW
Copyright ©
In_a_while
... [
2005-07-25 12:57:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Praying mantis, lover's fate
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 02:50:09 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Very visual, metaphoric write Dwayne...Each stanza outshines the last, it just grew stronger with each line...Well done! It kept a good flow, and you had some advanced rhyming happening too...Emotionally, you said a mouthful. Really good job.
Scorp. |
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