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The Girl I Used To Love
Contributed by
unemuzerexer
on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 02:32:57 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
There was a girl i used to love
She was more prettier then a dove
Her eyes so blue, yet so pure
Just staring into them would cure
any pain, smooth skin sexc smile
curvy slim body to make you horny for a while
playful and exciting when drunk
when not, peaceful and understanding like a monk
so many names so much to know
always beautiful from head to toe
her hair so soft and smooth like a cat
and always in a mood for a chat
Great Personaility and great tastes
Love the way she moves her waists
Always her self easy going,
never stuckup and always showing
kindess and warmth and
Always putting others first
her heart filled with thirst
She was one of kind,
One in a million, but i didnt mind
Because even though every guy was after her
I knew i could count on her, the girl in the coat of fur
She was the most beautiful girl in the world
And no happier feeling then being with her, curled
I always wondered if she felt the same
Even though i knew i was only fooling myself
Because deep inside i knew she didnt love me
Even though she called me her Hunnie
But in the end
I'll always remeber her as a good friend
because When shes gone my heart burns
i can't sleep and always turn
looking back and rembering the good time
as if being alone was a crime
can't stop crying, can't stop thinkin
and the only temperoery fix is drinking
depression crawling
my heart always moaning
Eve Nicole, my baby gurl
I guess we wern't ment to be together
like two seperate feathers
felt so right, yet so wrong
Like you said,
I always used to be happy, instead
because of you, now i feel like crap, so upset and so lonely
like inside my heart theres a hole
you took it and your neva gona give it back
i hope you can't sleep i hope you cant rest
i wish your going through the same pain and that your stressed
because i didnt deserve this, all i ever did was try my best
but in the end i relised and i guessed
that you never loved me and only played games
thats why i'll always hate you AND hope u burn in flames of fire
Remeber me, just as a another crap ex-boyfriend
Copyright ©
unemuzerexer
... [
2005-07-26 02:32:57]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Girl I Used To Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by CarolinaBlue on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 02:49:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
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very sorry this happened to you. We have all been in this place at one time or another so I feel your pain. You expressed yourself very well and it sounds as if you really loved her. Nice job, just remember things will heal in time. Keep writing
~Blue~ |
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Re: The Girl I Used To Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shattered_soul on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 03:32:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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It does seem like you loved her but in the poem it seems like you tried to place rhyming words where they shouldnt have been, poetry doesnt always have to rhym, well that is my insight, i am only telling you this to not be discouraged but to work and do your best, i will be checking in on your poetry though and if you dont want i wont comment, keep up ur work and if ive offended you i am sorry.
Em |
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Re: The Girl I Used To Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostrelic on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 04:35:27 AM AEST
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| great poem would have loved to see the ending |
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Re: The Girl I Used To Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 11:07:49 PM AEST
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| It really hurts, getting stabed in the back and after that it takes a while to trust anyone again but i hope for the best and i know how it feals it suxs. Great write. - Becka- |
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Re: The Girl I Used To Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 11:30:52 PM AEST
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I'm not sure why you spent so much time on this..
(Though I don't think you did)
Your love for your girl is great..but your words are not.
The rhymes were forced beyond a try..
I felt like I rolled up on some street punk
in a ghetto..asking what he thought of his girl..
POETRY IS NOT FOR YOU!
Your write is not 'poetry'
(though they allow it here)
The way you marshalled ideas..was infintile.
I'm sorry for the harsh critique, but this has got to be some of THE worst poetry I've ever read.
I suggest you visit the 'Blue's Clues Poetry Site"
Perhaps she would better understand you..
Again...I'm sorry for such a harsh critique,
But Im tired of saying.. "Great Write"
and.. "Great Flow"
It is after all..POETRY!
(The written word)
YOUR words don't come close.
Billy |
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