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Blood
Contributed by
HatchetGirl
on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 03:16:37 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I lick my blood off your fingers
I like the taste, it lingers
you just realized your mistake
I want more... I don't care what it takes
my eyes glaze over, my teeth grow out
this is what it's all about
move your hair and tilt your head
if you don't I make you dead
I open my mouth and and bite your neck
your blood rushes in me like a wreck
I suck just enough to keep me alive
I pull away so you don't die
it's time for pleasure, forget the pain
I feel like I could go insane
you say you love me and give me a kiss
you tasted a little blood on my lips
now you all excited and your raving
it tasted so good... you have a new craving
you've got into this relationship way to deep
the only way out now is down six feet
if you don't believe me go ask my ex's
I choped all their heads off with axes
Copyright ©
HatchetGirl
... [
2005-07-27 03:16:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Blood
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 06:41:32 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Awww soo crazy...but it is well done.. and the last two lines are a big hit. its well wrapped. venkat |
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Re: Blood
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 12:25:22 PM AEST
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very gory and great!! well rhymed and full of visuals too... keep up the good work
i too, especially dig the last few lines.. good closing
dw |
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Re: Blood
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 06:56:27 PM AEST
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it was great up until the last 2 lines... some how the flow kinda stopped at that point.
good poem all the same though! |
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Re: Blood
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 10:18:16 PM AEST
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| Impressive, I love how you talked about the taste of the blood lingering. It gave the little hesitation before the frenzy that you describe. The last four lines are shocking and well written. Though I think they're a little sudden for the poem. It's almost like your described flurry of passion all of a sudden crashed into a brick wall. I don't think those last four lines need to be changed. I just think more needs to go before them. Such as suggesting the need for the current lover to be devoted or they'll end up like the others or something. |
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