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Give me...
Contributed by
xxbreathlessx
on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 09:05:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Give me the moon with its breath hot against my ear.
Give me the stars with their exotic shine reflecting jewels.
Give me a waterfall whos downpour embraces all of me
As its crystals dance upon my skin.
Give me a red rose whos colors more
wild and vivid than any rose on earth.
Give me the suns silky sweet rays
Sent from heavens very own lips.
Give me the rains exquisite beauty as it pitter patters
Natures tears.
Give me the kiss that will make my fears melt and
Longing fulfilled.
Give me the friend whos promises hold true in the
Midst of controversy.
Give me the power to fight off negativity
As it breaks through barriers of happy endings.
Give me love.
Give me joy.
Give me knowledge.
Give me desire.
Give me will.
Give me strength.
Give me happiness.
Give me all of you.
And from all the giving Im getting know
That you will get my giving too.
Copyright ©
xxbreathlessx
... [
2005-07-27 21:05:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 09:44:45 PM AEST
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Very nicely done...you pulled this off really well, and left the reader with some memorable lines...
"Give me the rain's exquisite beauty as it pitter patters
Natures tears
Give me the kiss that will make my fears melt and long fulfilled
Give me the friend who's promises hold true in the midst of controversy
Give me the power to fight off negativity..."
Very well done, and I'm 'giving you' 5 stars all the way : )
Scorp. |
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 10:00:55 PM AEST
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| The first six lines of this poem are exquisitly written. It was absolute word candy to read. Though after that the lines of your poem seemed to give less and less. Especially at the end when you only said 'Give me love. Give me joy....' It is a good way to wind down a poem, but I feel that a poem that starts off so strong and so beautiful shouldn't have to be wound down. |
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 10:30:29 PM AEST
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Oh how I needed this poem right now..
I pray you get it all..
*And from all the giving I’m getting know
That you will get my giving too.*
Nice reciprocative write.. wonderfully said..
Raquel Leah
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 10:31:04 PM AEST
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Brilliant, absolutely splendily brilliant. Now, how do we go about getting the rest of the world to recognize this??? If everyone gave back as much as they were given, life would be perfect. No wars, racism, hatred, bigotry. This truly is a statement. You give to me, I give to you. How could anyone not see the perfection in that idea? Great work.
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by CarolinaBlue on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 10:32:48 PM AEST
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I really enjoyed this. The first half was exceptional each line as beautiful as the next, but I have to admit the last half left me wishing you had elaborated a little more as you did throughout the beginning. Overall I still think it was beautiful and well writen. Really nice job on this. 5/5
~Blue~ |
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 10:46:41 PM AEST
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forgot a part of my comment..
Give me love.
Give me joy.
Give me knowledge.
Give me desire.
Give me will.
Give me strength.
Give me happiness.
Give me all of you.
And from all the giving I’m getting know
That you will get my giving too.
I especially liked how you summed it up in the end.. slowed down contact with self.. brilliant idea..
Raquel Leah |
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 11:01:22 PM AEST
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| Yes, this is really great. I loved the ending. Definitely a fiver. |
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 28th July 2005 @ 01:03:27 AM AEST
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Hello again xxbreathlessx:
I can't get your poem out of my head, so let me comment once more, than I will stop lol.. ty..
Sorry about the volumes here for my comment..
I try to look at all angles of a poem.. I try to see just why the writer wrote it that way.. which tools they used in their thinking to get it on paper..
Nevertheless.. once the writer gets the piece out there, and just one reader reads it, it no longer belongs to that writer..
That is why you even see many painters have a hard time putting their work out there, and or selling it.. they realize, they have to let it go.. and that is difficult to do.. to risk putting it out there, because.. its a part of yourself.. fact or fiction.. you created it, so it becomes you.
Yes, the writer keeps the original piece.. they own it.. their signature copyrights it, so it does belong to them in that sense to protect the idea..
I love writing of course.. And, I also love to read others artful pieces..
I have spent many hours in writing classes.. and have written since I was around age 14..
My very first poem was a secret one to my parents.. they had grounded me, and in my room I was so upset and crying, I decided to write down my thoughts.. they were bad thoughts about the injust way I thought my parents were treating me.. I put the poem away in my drawer.. burning it later.. I wished I would have saved it though.. My parents never got to read it.. if they did, I am sure they would have extended my punishment lol..
So, sometimes there is non-fiction, sometime fiction writes.. you just never know goes in and what comes out.. in the mind of a writer..
Sometimes there are personal reasons why they can't explain why they wrote it, and in a sense.. they don't have to explain the poem.. because even if you did.. it would not matter.. the reader will see it his way.. and many times, it might spoil the write if you did too much explaining..
Sometimes I feel a need to explain, like for my suicide blue write.. I posted this afternoon.. I wanted to let people know I was ok.. and why I wrote it.. yet...suicide writes are not really my expertise..
Then at age 20, when my first baby boy was born, for that christmas instead of buying cards, I wrote my own christmas card poems and drew a picture of santa clause on the paper.. I never had but a little old beaten up typewriter.. the very old clunky one.. where you had to throw the thing back and forth to make new sentences..
Yes.. I did like the way you slowed down the poem toward the end.. I thought it was a great way, to slow it down, so the reader could take it all in.. sort of a way to summarize the whole plot..
Well.. I never was an instructor in the english/comp writing field, I was in the beauty industry.. but I had to read a lot and grade students, so in a sense I learned how to talk to my students on their test sheets.. and I always gave them some encouragement to some of their stories they had to write...so this is why I comment in such long detail.. some would call it rambling on I guess lol.. and that is alright..
I learned a lot from my writing instructors and have adopted much of their way of learning how to read.. and or comment .. they taught me well..
I was teacher of the year for 5 straight years, putting in a lot of work.. hours.. to get that way.. and I think that writers must do the same to acheive and receive great benefits..from their writing pieces to their audience..
You don't get there.. out there by not trying.. risk is much involved here..
One day I want to write a book about writing.. but I will use new information.. because there are a lot of books on the subject..
When we write, we are all actors on stage..
I was also an orator for a couple years.. teaching the teachers how to teach.. and if you think it hard to write on paper.. at least you get the chance to edit what you type. Not so as a speaker.. once its said, you can't take it back..
So, I guess I do have a sense of the senses in writing..
So, you just keep on writing.. even though you do get a comment that may sort of crimp your style..at times..
and we all will get a comment that sort of twists and bends our minds.. but that is growth to the writer.. comments are very much needed indeed.. its better to get any type of comments, then none at all.. at least you know by the comment.. that someone entered into your writing world..
Those comments will help to unravel the many ideas that you have and give you more ideas..
Its like lighting fire with fire..and soon you get a bigger and bigger blaze going..the more fire you can put into your writing, the bigger the blaze..
You become stronger and more proficient and efficient as a writer.. Good luck in your writing..
I hope we can correspond now and then.. I will watch for your new writes.. many blessings from me to you good friend..
Of course we all will grab a different view.. no two people think alike..
By reading other comments, as I do often, may allow one to go back and re-read or rethink..
Sometimes I don't have a clue what the poem is about.. but after reading a couple comments, I go back and see .. oh ok.. and then.. I still have my own view.. but it helps me to think even better..
Writers are the worst critics when it comes to critiquing others work.. and yet.. we do not like it when another writer and or reader rains on our parade.. oh well, such is life.. welcome to the world of writers lol.
Anyhoo.. I enjoyed your work of art and will be seeing some of your other work as well..
I hope my comment is helpful for you and also anyone else who reads it..
Raquel Leah..(Poetress)
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by brokenwings on
Thursday, 28th July 2005 @ 05:27:11 AM AEST
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| very good write, |
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by colinbaker62 on
Thursday, 28th July 2005 @ 04:24:44 PM AEST
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Very poignant indeed. I greatly enjoyed this.
Colin |
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Friday, 29th July 2005 @ 10:50:01 PM AEST
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Have you ever had a second or two where you just paused and thought (WOW?)
Well that is what it feels like at this moment.
This is not only original it is breathtaking.
I really didn't want it to end I wanted to read another "Give me"...
Kie |
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by TeenageDirtbag on
Monday, 1st August 2005 @ 01:56:14 PM AEST
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| Once again, great repitition. Keep up the great work! Oh, and thank you so much for your comment on my write =P |
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Re: Give me...
(User Rating: 1 )
by the_Ghost_Moth on
Wednesday, 3rd August 2005 @ 04:56:17 AM AEST
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Wistful and passionate.
I can see why it's so popular.
Keep writing.
--Ghost Moth |
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