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I Looked Aside
Contributed by
AshRayne
on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 06:59:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Sometimes I wonder,
Does the world see?
There is so much,
More to me.
But yet again,
I looked aside.
And the opening,
Drifted wide.
I watched you shake,
Felt the move.
She must be strange,
I thought you cooed.
Yet when alone,
Fear burns in eyes.
But when surrounded,
You are disguised.
No, you do not watch.
Instead you turn to run.
Friends enter,
You think you will have fun
Kill me softly,
There isnt much there.
But do know this,
I tried to care.
Dont mock my intentions,
I shall not hide.
I am no longer afraid,
Of the anger inside.
So I stepped into the ocean.
I knew you lied.
I ended my pain.
I looked aside.
I did not cry out,
When wave washed over.
Instead I sighed,
The pain was over.
I felt it as I died,
The world, so wide.
Yet again,
I looked aside.
Copyright ©
AshRayne
... [
2005-08-06 18:59:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Looked Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by eros on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 07:02:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Lovely write, much enjoyed |
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Re: I Looked Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 07:10:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
A couple of choppy spots in the flow and a little lacking in imagery, but it's still a really great poem. The concept and feelings behind it are outstanding, though.
Love and peace,
Chelsea |
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Re: I Looked Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by xfaggotx on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 07:32:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
absolutley lovely
i cant wait for more from you |
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Re: I Looked Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Amanda_Interrupted on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 08:01:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I enjoyed this poem a lot. |
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Re: I Looked Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 09:06:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Great poem. I am glad you came out to share a glimspe of what what be great poetic ideas. |
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Re: I Looked Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 7th August 2005 @ 12:53:42 AM AEST
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I loved it,and its so true yet not so simplistic like other writes tend to drift off on.I felt the feelings too.peace.
love,
andrea |
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Re: I Looked Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by AshRayne on
Sunday, 7th August 2005 @ 04:42:01 PM AEST
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| thanx guys, you opinions mean sooo much to me. you have no idea, and the next will be here soon, muahahahaha |
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Re: I Looked Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ineedanap on
Monday, 8th August 2005 @ 07:12:38 PM AEST
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|
Out opf the three poems i have rea from your collection this is my favorite. Great write. Keep up the good work
Brooke |
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Re: I Looked Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 15th August 2005 @ 06:35:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Great write, keep it up |
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