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If We Stop Now
Contributed by
juliette
on
Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 03:02:50 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
If we stop this now,
I can break my fall-
Stuff my melting heart
back behind its cold wall,
Even pretend that I never really
knew you at all.
Please speak the words,
Save us both the hurt-
We can go separate ways
Before we make it worse,
Walk away with our pride
and escape love's cruelest curse.
There is so much on the line,
We can't afford to hesitate-
With just one more touch,
It could be too late,
And this very kiss
might seal our fate.
But we can stop this now,
Pull ourselves back on track-
Turn from one another
And never look back,
But baby run far enough
that we won't ever cross paths.
If we stop this now,
I can break my fall-
Stuff my melted heart
back behind its cold wall,
And pretend, that I never really
loved you at all........
Copyright ©
juliette
... [
2005-08-14 03:02:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: If We Stop Now
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 03:12:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Well... it's 3:00a.m. where I am as well, Juliette --- regardless of the late (early?) hour... there is no overlooking the fact that this is terrific. I can absolutely see why you are excited about this... it's poignant, well written and quite touching. I'd strongly encourage you not to overwork this... there is something here that tugs at the heartstrings... too much tweaking and that could be lost. It is, I think, exactly as it should be and it's beautiful.
Left sighing,
~Snemmy |
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Re: If We Stop Now
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 05:01:27 AM AEST
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a Message)
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An awesome masterpeice.
good work.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: If We Stop Now
(User Rating: 1 )
by Zandria on
Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 05:33:23 AM AEST
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Excited over this piece.... You SHOULD be!
VERY terrific write! |
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Re: If We Stop Now
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sahara on
Sunday, 14th August 2005 @ 02:58:10 PM AEST
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| Very beautiful write, I don't see that it needs any work done to it. Perfection can't be out done. |
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Re: If We Stop Now
(User Rating: 1 )
by Darkhorse71 on
Tuesday, 16th August 2005 @ 10:44:35 AM AEST
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| Juliette - an awesome work, don't touch a thing! |
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Re: If We Stop Now
(User Rating: 1 )
by robertdavidson on
Thursday, 18th August 2005 @ 06:27:47 PM AEST
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This poem is excellent except for the rhyme schemes in verses two and four. 'hurt' could become 'hurts' to rhyme closer with 'curse' and 'worse'. But i can't think of a rhyme for 'back' instead of 'paths'. Otherwise a very good write.
Robert Davidson. |
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