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Cast Aside
Contributed by
hauntedscorp
on
Monday, 15th August 2005 @ 08:14:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
Swept up in the sea
is a fleeting thought of me
Carried off with the breeze
are loving thoughts that please
Weathered by the sun
the shadow that will run
Thrashing against the rocks
my hopes ticking clocks
Buried beneath the sand
lies a limp, outstretched hand
A ship of dreams passing in the night
sluicing water in its lonely plight
Seagulls circling the shore
my heart grows quiet once more
The setting sun's reddish hue
blinding oblivion obscure's the view
Copyright ©
hauntedscorp
... [
2005-08-15 20:14:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mangos on
Monday, 15th August 2005 @ 11:41:30 PM AEST
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this comes off as darker then your usual...and i like that....i sense some sort of desperation....but in your heart i think you know all will turn out alright at the end....
nice job scorp...
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alibi on
Tuesday, 16th August 2005 @ 02:27:30 PM AEST
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| Nice comparisions between your emotions and forces of nature, I like that. Some very good imagery and symbolism. The last verse is my personal favorite. That last line drives the point home! |
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 16th August 2005 @ 08:48:22 PM AEST
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Wow a lot going on here, and i feel this
poem especially the line at the end, blinding
oblivion obscure's the view, talk about my
endings i think u nailed it all, beautiful write
my friend . . .
((((((((scorp))))))))))
Ben |
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Wednesday, 17th August 2005 @ 01:24:29 AM AEST
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| ooooooooo i like this one alot. |
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 17th August 2005 @ 01:54:43 AM AEST
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| Scorp, you never cease to amaze me. You are soooooo brilliant that I (embarrassingly) must admit my own ignorance. What does it all mean? But it is a great write....I'm just a few short of a full load sometimes. |
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Wednesday, 17th August 2005 @ 12:55:39 PM AEST
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A very good abstract write, Scorp. It seems to focus upon hopes, thoughts and dreams, which become over shadowed. Then the body buried more deeply, but still reaching for those dreams. Following the turmoil, some peace with the sunset and more oblivion to the pain. It appears to start with and end with hope, having endured the turmoil.
Anyway, that was my take on it. Again, very creative, with powerful imagery
Well done, Scorp
Will |
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Friday, 19th August 2005 @ 07:45:50 PM AEST
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So truly gifted and talented u r dearest Scorp. I like the way u can manage to write about anything and always do it with style.
You've nailed this one my dear friend. Well done.
Hugs,
Dreamer |
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Friday, 19th August 2005 @ 11:35:33 PM AEST
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what an amazing write Scorp..
I marvel at the simplicity and metaphors..
it's awesome-
and I will dare to say that this, for me,
is your best yet..
in-fact, I'm off to read it again-
Yours..
B |
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 20th August 2005 @ 03:25:37 PM AEST
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Yeah, sometimes it does feel like an *ugly* head, doesn't it. But part of poetic creativity is turning it into something beautiful as you've done here. I particularly relate to "my hopes ticking clocks." The road is rough, the wait is long to find out where your hopes belong. (But worth the wait.)
Great metaphors and style in this one, scorp.
Blessings, J. |
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Monday, 22nd August 2005 @ 07:51:05 AM AEST
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| This is good. I don't think inspiration is a bad thing. |
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Re: Cast Aside
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 21st May 2014 @ 10:36:22 AM AEST
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this is enchanting, intriguing, so hauntingly
beautiful; the way it is intermingled within itself
confounds the mind; ...but the hand! whatever
happened to the poor hand!:)
hugs n' love nessa |
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