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Love's Consequences
Contributed by
o7neves
on
Tuesday, 30th August 2005 @ 03:09:11 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
These next few months will be hard
That's something I know for sure
You'll leave me with a heart that'll starve
But that's what I've chosen to endure
This place in my heart is just for you
I'll wait for you to get back
No one else will just do
You've got what everyone lacks
Everytime I hear from you
You know I begin tear
I'm so happy you haven't a clue
Cuz it's from you I want to hear
Those are the days that I do cherish
Because they don't come often
When it comes to you I'm selfish
Because my heart you softened
So now I'll leave you with this thought
Love makes you do some crazy things
I can't believe it's me you caught
That one night towards the end of Spring
Copyright ©
o7neves
... [
2005-08-30 15:09:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Love's Consequences
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 30th August 2005 @ 05:23:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I've probably read this effort (or derivatives thereof) at least 100 times here at YPDC. For me to have enjoyed this, I would have had to have found a secular phrase, or original context in which you reinvent or re-invigorate the old proverb;
absence makes the heart grow fonder
But I don't. It's all ABAB rhyming on a spiel of a generic storyline, which delves into abstraction that pulls me, the reader, away from your intention of making this unique and interesting.
That's my comment. I could go on, but I don't have half an hour to dispense lectures on metrics and cliche's, abstractions; the difference between 'showing and telling' . . .
N_F |
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Re: Love's Consequences
(User Rating: 1 )
by chanceof_promise on
Sunday, 20th November 2005 @ 08:33:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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i really like this..
i see it as someone you love is leaving moving away..
i can understand it..i put myself in that place tough..i have to move to cali. away from all my friends and people i love..i dont want to do that either..
the past 2 boyfriends i have had have broken up with me casue they are scared they will get hurt bad when i move..
and i cant say when i am moving either..
i really like this one |
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Re: Love's Consequences
(User Rating: 1 )
by CurtisC on
Monday, 28th November 2005 @ 10:15:55 PM AEST
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i know exactly what you're talking about in this one so it really makes a lot of sense to me, when you can relate to a piece it makes it that much more enjoyable, great job!
curtis |
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