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A Lover's Twisted Fate...
Contributed by
eternal_dreamer
on
Wednesday, 31st August 2005 @ 05:53:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
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The stream regenerates its currents
Amidst the salty water that runs freely
As burning tears start protruding
Waltzing down slowly, but deeply
The ring of fear harbors
In the depths of a Lover's ears
Chiming constantly yet so painfully
When the wind blows you can hear
The echo chanting of a lover's
Twisted love triangled story
For once cursed by betrayal
The Lover lost his grace and glory
Now these two distraught Lovers
Live amongst the realms of broken hearts
Betrayal found a way into their lives
Causing them to be torn apart
Sultry heat casts an illusion
Of a tragic and twisted fate
Can they rekindle this love
Or is it simply just too late?
Copyright ©
eternal_dreamer
... [
2005-08-31 17:53:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by LostAmbition on
Wednesday, 31st August 2005 @ 07:52:31 PM AEST
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| Very nice! You sure did tell a story, and a superb one at that!! This was great, very smooth. I hope the best for you. |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 31st August 2005 @ 08:11:11 PM AEST
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I love this one Sue...it flows beautifully, and it's a wonderful, poetic story. Your words could ring true for a good few of us here I think...I hope this story has a happy ending : )
Scorp.
(Who thinks Sue most definitely deserves a happy ending) |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sahara on
Wednesday, 31st August 2005 @ 08:33:52 PM AEST
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I loved this write, it's a beautiful yet tragic piece. I sincerely hopes everything works out for the best.
Sonya |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Wednesday, 31st August 2005 @ 09:48:04 PM AEST
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Good effort....you conveyed how lovers can become distant very well....
Great choice of words, exceptional flow and the timeless question at the end just made the piece.
I like it. |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 31st August 2005 @ 10:12:57 PM AEST
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oh how sad this tears at the heart and makes
one wonder about love may u always have it
close to your heart for it is something you are
quite worthy of . . .
(((((sue)))))
Ben |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 1st September 2005 @ 04:30:54 AM AEST
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| Wow this is good and I mean good, I hope they find each other before its to late,, a wonderful write from a wonderful writer,,, |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 1st September 2005 @ 06:06:32 AM AEST
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1st and 2nd stanza
Standing on this pier, clutching on to the side rails of the getti.. looking out to see. The wind in my eyes, salt pouring, staring.. gazing, my heart aching.. lost.. no where to go, wanting to run, but where.. the ocean is deep.. My heart on my lover.. my mind on myself, pain in my heart... alone, very alone... wanting love.. spark...its not there..where in the sea are you..is stanza 3.. now, for me.. reaches the heavenly Father, where else can you go? stanza 4 brings in a third person.. leaves the 1st person. Takes away the pain of the first stanza lover's ear. 5th stanza.. acts as if nothing happened at all. Just a nightmare... tragic nightmare.. yes.. its all twisted.. twisted my mind. Can they rekindle this love.. sure, if they keep dreaming... at least one of them in stanza one.
I like the write.. everyone can grasp their own meaning. Its fun. Well its written in a way to mess with the mind, and you succeeded. lol.
I really like the way you used the water subjects, stream, tears, harbor and wind, depth, chanting.. all reminds me of the sea.
Yes, let them dream again.. and rekindle this love. or else I will lol.
RLD
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by robertdavidson on
Thursday, 1st September 2005 @ 03:32:36 PM AEST
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Love's tragedy is that it can never be renewed exactly as it was after a betrayal. A good poem but I would like to know more of the story. Who betrayed whom and why and how were they found out? You have a good command of language and imagery.
Robert Davidson. |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by DemonProdigy on
Saturday, 3rd September 2005 @ 12:42:18 AM AEST
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| absolutely beautiful :) |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 12th September 2005 @ 06:07:40 PM AEST
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sadly beautiful.......
hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Monday, 12th September 2005 @ 06:13:33 PM AEST
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| Great write. This reminds me of some very sad statistics: The devorce rate at the last job i worked was 90%, it had 3000 employees. It is sad that committment is so hard to achieve today. |
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Re: A Lover's Twisted Fate...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Wednesday, 5th October 2005 @ 08:41:18 AM AEST
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The sea has captured me in its grasp, I'm in love with it. That being said, this poem held double beauty in my eyes. A great piece, very well thought up and expressed.
Take care.
David |
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