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the movie
Contributed by
emokid
on
Sunday, 4th September 2005 @ 07:10:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
breathing shallow
heart beat slows
the curtains raise
standing at the stairs
watching your brother fall
and hit rock bottom
then your head goes
through the windshield
your laying cold and broken
on the pavement
Open eyes into white light
laying in a hospital bed
then you see your first kiss
sitting on your front porch
you still feel his lips
and his body next to yours
then your head goes
through the windshield
your laying cold and broken
on the pavement
Growing colder
heartbeat stops
will you still remember
the time I brought you roses
will you still remember
me when you're gone
Then your head goes
through the windshield
your laying cold and broken
on the pavement
credits rolling
time to leave
Copyright ©
emokid
... [
2005-09-04 19:10:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: the movie
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 4th September 2005 @ 07:47:15 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I am working on a song about that called "Little Brother" I won't give any of the words away you will just have to wait to see if it is like yours. I have been working on it since last year. Your poem is very good and I think even in it's unfinished state it is very meaningful. |
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Re: the movie
(User Rating: 1 )
by Writting_Fever on
Sunday, 4th September 2005 @ 07:55:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Wow the ending was pretty cool. I've done a poem like that. If you're bored I'd love for you to read it. |
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Re: the movie
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 02:50:15 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow......very tragic indeed..
But written very well, great choice of words and heart breaking context.
I like your metaphoric use and your style as a writer.
Yeah, I think the title needs work..how about "The Screenplay Ends"....or even "She's Killed Off" to give it kick...
just some suggestions lol, I'm sure whatever you choose will be awesome. |
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